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Posted By: charlotte

Posted On: May 4, 2002
Views: 1361
i hate this but i can't stop

at first i felt glorified and almost proud of myself when i started this. the first time I cut my arm, i felt like i had this great little thing no one knew about. my own little secret pain. now it's like i feel like a stupid little child who can't deal with things. i feel immature. but i can't get rid of the anger, I seriously cannot deal with the anger. I get so angry at myself that I want to rip off all my skin and hang myself. i don't want to die, i just want revenge on myself for what i've done. i hate myself so much sometimes but usually a day after the cutting, i always regret doing it. then you have to work to hide it from people, and it stings when things touch it you can't take a shower without it stinging like hell. and then one day my friend noticed all the scars on my body and i could tell he was staring at me in shock. but he said absolutely nothing. not a thing. i hate people who just don't give a damn about anything. i mean i wouldnt have known what to say if he had asked me about it, but i guess i just want someone, anyone in the world to ask me if i'm okay so i can just let it all out and cry and finally get rid of this. i want someone to help me but i want to be left alone. it's so mixed up and crazy and i hate this but I can't stop!!!


Posted By: Megan

Posted On: Mar 24, 2002
Views: 1365
they thought i was nuts

I started cutting cuz my dad used to hit me all the time (now he only like slaps me like once every 2 monthes compared to every week or two) So when my dad asked why I would do something like that to myself, I told the strait truth. "Because you hit me." I think he was pretty ****ed at what an ass he had been but then he got all nice and treats me like some princess now. Igh god he is and always will be a rude stuck up son of a b!tch with no controll of his temper at all to me. He started crying when he found out I cut myself. And I had only cut myself 2 times with a needle and a scisors...and he started crying..my dad...god it was so dumb. He has no idea I have now moved on to razors and exacto knives and whatever else I can think of...Its pretty sad what my parents did with me when they found out about my s.i. They made me promise to stop. And when they found out a second time..they threatened to make me go to a secondary high school so i wouldn't be able to see my friends or be in band. Its absolutley sick what they did when they found out. Its almost like they don't care or something?


Posted By: Ivy

Posted On: Mar 20, 2002
Views: 1365
They don't Know (Cheryl)

I told my mom and she didn't believe me mind you she live 3000 miles away and i see her twice a year. Any way she told me she was going to get me help and never did. My dad I think would either try and get me put away or laugh at me. Maybe it is good you didn't tell them. Have you told anyone? I told a few close friends like my boyfriend and he told me that I was A retard and I should just stop. I wish he knew how hard that really is!!!!


Posted By: ivy

Posted On: Mar 20, 2002
Views: 1305
Why

WHy is stopping so hard? Why is getting help so scary? Why is people's responses your stupid? Just plain WHY


Posted By: kitten

Posted On: Mar 12, 2002
Views: 1306
love

I love you charlie, thanx for always trying to understand me, although I know you are confused. I'm sorry I do that to you. But I will always love you.


Posted By: Brittany

Posted On: Mar 12, 2002
Views: 1224
alone

It's really hard to even tell any one your problem. Then when you do, they either go off on you or just tell you to stop. There is really no motivation to stop, so why bother, especially when no one really seems to care? My mom found out about my "issues" on thanxgiving. She was very upset and cried. I was scared. Then she talked to me- once- about it, and that was the end of that. My boy friend only tells me not to, which really doesn't make the urge go away, and sometimes only increases it due to rebelion. Then I told one of my friends, who embarrassed me by saying that I slit my wrist right in frot of this guy! I don't even cut my wrist and she goes and tells him that. There's no one to trust, and no one really cares. It's crap man, and hard to stop with nothing but agrivation. What do you do when your friends and family, and even the one who you thought cared the most, do absolutely nothing??


Posted By: Brittany

Posted On: Mar 12, 2002
Views: 1176
alone

It's really hard to even tell any one your problem. Then when you do, they either go off on you or just tell you to stop. There is really no motivation to stop, so why bother, especially when no one really seems to care? My mom found out about my "issues" on thanxgiving. She was very upset and cried. I was scared. Then she talked to me- once- about it, and that was the end of that. My boy friend only tells me not to, which really doesn't make the urge go away, and sometimes only increases it due to rebelion. Then I told on of my friends, who embarrassed me by saying that I slit my wrist right in frot of this guy! I don't even cut my wrist and she goes and tells him that. There's no one to trust, and no one really cares. It's crap man, and hard to stop with nothing but agrivation. What do you do when your friends and family, and even the one who you thought cared the most, do absolutely nothing??


Posted By: andrea

Posted On: Feb 26, 2002
Views: 1178
cutting

you know i have only been cutting for about a month but you know my best friend has just pritty much left me and is emberrest of me and and asshmed of me. i guess a kid said aloud that i cut and she told me right to my face that she was emberrest of me. my best friend. my mom is trying to deny that i have a problem i only have one friend now that understands me,, y you ask because she does it too. his makes me so depressed that i just cut more, unfortnaty. i told my best friend, but she ignores the fact that i just told her whne she gets mad at me for doing this i cut more, all she hears is that i cut,, again,, so what happens she gets mad even worse. oh well thanks andrea


Posted By: holly

Posted On: Jan 30, 2002
Views: 1177
they don't care about me

they only care about what other ppl will think of them cause of it...


Posted By: leeroy

Posted On: Jan 9, 2002
Views: 1181
i understand

i started cutting about 4years ago,coz i couldnt handle the headaches and shakes i was getting,every time i did something that i personally considered to be either bad or wrong,so i cut myself to relieve that pain.although it caused more pain,it helped me.so i tried to teach myself that everytime i ****ed myself off id have to cut myself to teach me not to do it again.it has worked,to a certain extent,but i ended cutting deeper,and with the same blunt knife,i now have lots of scars,as ive ****ed myself off badly the last couple of years,so much that i didnt stop at my arms(the skin toughens after a few cuts)but legs,feet,hands,neck,chest,stomach,back,even my face..its a tough struggle,,hopefully we will all get through it happy,dead or alive..


Posted By: Cheryl

Posted On: Jan 2, 2002
Views: 1184
They don't know

I have been cutting since i was fourteen not on a daily basis just when i need my mind to excape from my personal pain. My parents I feel would think it was a joke I know the attitude so why would and should I bother to tell them just to be told pack it in etc. That is not what I need. I need support and care and an understanding that this is not there fault and that I will hopefully stop in my own time not when they tell me to. I told my boyfriend who on occasions has told me he will help me kill myself. A very Helpful point.........I think not. Take care


Posted By: Terri

Posted On: Nov 27, 2001
Views: 1189
telling people

I'd love to tell my family I cut then at least they'd understand what they're doing to me. In trying to protect me they are only making my life a living hell. I told my friend, she was real great, but now just doesn't know what to do to help and always wants me to talk about it. All I want to do is forget about all my problems


Posted By: carol

Posted On: Nov 27, 2001
Views: 1174
because everything just hurts

I guess everthing in my life hurts in one way or another and I just need to feel like I have control over at least one of those hurts. When I cut I feel like I've got more conrol over it


Posted By: CarlaH

Posted On: Nov 27, 2001
Views: 1175
Why I cut myself.

I have been depressed all of my life. I cannot ever think of a time when I was "happy." I have all the things that a normal person would need to be happy like a good job, a car that is paid for, I own a house, my parents are still alive, and I have friends (but really only at work). Nevertheless, I am definitely not happy.

I only starting cutting a couple of years ago. In part, my cutting is a response to intense anger that I can't express in any other way (as when my sister and I get into a fight). The other is that I feel so GUILTY that I cannot seem to do what my therapist and psychiatrist are telling me to get better. I "punish myself" for this and many other reasons too numerous to state here. I am being realistic when I say that I don't think I'll ever stop.


Posted By: ellie

Posted On: Nov 22, 2001
Views: 1169
hiding behind what people see in me

My mum abused me. That's what I really want to tell people. How can I if I can't even tell them I cut myself. It's not that I don't want them to know - I'm just scared of what they'll say or do. I appear to be such a happy person with no cares in the world, I've build up such a great act that I hide behind what people think I am. I couldn't drop a bomb shell like this, what would they think.


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My Friend - My Enemy