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| Posted By: dexlydub Posted On: Jul 6, 2008 Views: 330 | Lick my choad Bob Marley Many people are unaware that astronomers monitor reggae album sales very closely. You see - reggae sucks. It sucks hard. So hard, that it has been known to actually alter the planets' orbits. Don't get me wrong, I listen to a wide variety of music genres - death metal, speed metal, doom metal, heavy metal, and even just plain ol' metal, but I absolutely hate reggae. I once tried to explain this to a friend who informed me that I don't "get" reggae because I don't smoke pot. While I'll admit that Waylon Jennings sounds a little bit better after a half-dozen bottles of Jim Beam, I seriously doubt that smoking marijuana would cause me to lap up the sonic vomit that is reggae music. Why is it that only potheads listen to reggae? Is it because all those pesky brain cells stop the rest of us from enjoying reggae? Is it because THC 'enlightens' them to the point that they can hear the genius behind the crappy guitar work? Or is it simply because potheads like to pretend that they're cultured academics when they're really just stinky no-job-havin' flakes? I have no idea, but it's the only type of music that seems to require that the listener be inebriated in order to enjoy it. And another thing - there is only one reggae song. "No, you're wrong about that. My Bob Marley album has more than a dozen tracks on it." Skip through the tracks at random and see if you can correctly identify a single song without listening to the lyrics. Can't do it? I didn't think so. One song. "But it's all about the vibe, dude. It's about peace and harmony and being one with Selva, the Earth God." First of all - peace sucks and harmony is overrated (it's obvious that reggae-musicians have never even heard of harmony...just listen to the vocals). Secondly - do you have any idea how much crime there is in Jamaica? If all of these ganja-smokin' hipsters were really about peace, do you think they'd be slitting each other's throats (not to mention Whitey's)? Peace can lick my balls, and harmony can lick my choad. I'll save the butthole for ol' Bob Marley. |