| MY FRIEND - MY ENEMY - AGE -> burning inside and out | Start A New Topic | Reply |
| Post Info | TOPIC: burning inside and out |
| Posted By: lola b Posted On: Apr 7, 2003 Views: 520 | burning inside and out its 10:48pm, i just went to the bank and realized i am $84 dollars in debt from my debit card, i have a paper to write thats due tomorrow, and i just finished burning my arm with lit matches and burning paper clips. oh and some heated scissors for a more precise burn. i have to make it look like a stove or pan burn. what the hell am i doing. i started this in 9th grade and now, in 12th grade, i still cant seem to quit.i have so many scars on my body...so much hurt. from cuts on my thighs and legs to burns on my wrists and hands. nobody knows. nobody has ever noticed them. im a lucky bitch i guess. im not the stereotypical self-punisher...im athletic, attractive, have friends, and im in ****ing national honor society. is there anyone out there that can relate to me? |
| Posted By: Ashleigh Posted On: Apr 26, 2003 Views: 511 | RE: burning inside and out Yes there are other people that can relate to you. I am one of them the only way you can really stop is be honest with yourself and want to help yourself. Once you have done that be honest with others and let others help you. Well I know it is hard and one day you will stop hurting yourself that is if you work at it. Take care and if you want to talk email me @ Hott_devils_angel@hotmail.com Life is presious and you are controlling your life Love ashleigh |
| Posted By: melissa Posted On: May 17, 2003 Views: 503 | RE: burning inside and out Hey it seems like not a lot of people come here anymore looking at the message boards .....ive also noticed that a lot of the self mutilation cases in here are cutters but i was wondering if there was anyone out there who does other things to "relive themselfs" not only do i burn,i pick (at scabs) i constently pull my hair sometimes it falls out and i might scratch myself with my fingernails. if there is anyone out there who does these things too or anything else please feel free to write me a message or send me a IM at aol/aim my screen name is imapunkrocker247 you can also write me an e-mail at punkrocker724@msn.com thanks for the awesome web page hope to talk to someone soon bye GB ~missy~ hey guys im missy come check me out |
| Posted By: melissa Posted On: May 17, 2003 Views: 502 | RE: burning inside and out its me agian i wrote this about 2 years ago and i love reading back on them remember your not alone i guess im not either ~missy~ im sitting in my room its a million miles away from you you dont understand why i act the way i do you say its for he attention what do you know what do you know i know all my simptoms hair falls to the cold tile floor each brush makes the pile bigger and bigger bigger and gigger i lay my head on the pillow you gave my last christmas my thoughts run wild i scream for them to stop my friends are giving up on me they dont want to be part of the freak show that i am i give up i have to sleep i have to sleep pill 1...pill 2....pill 3...pill 4... one more and im good hour later.... stil not enough plan B i watch the light glow seams it gets brighter and brighter brighter and brighter ' it gets closer and closer to my skin i back away "no not there" i go in for another try it gets closer and closer to my skin "perfact" you ask about my perfact circle i give you a fake smile "ahhh stupid stove i cant cook worth crap!" you laugh i laugh the thought of it is lost never to return til you see one more its deeper darker its deeper darker "was it the stove man dont cook me a meal you'll burn my house down!" "haha no" i say "it was the darn iron" "oh haha the clothes didnt like you i guess! haha" you say "i guess" i say faintly no more is said you change the subject but all i hear is your voise fading fading ::snaps your fingers:: "you still with us?!" no i want to say "yeah about you at that one thing yeah i got it" i fade into my body hoping i will disappear dissapear i want to dissapear not to be seen by your cold naked eye gone gone lost never to be found |
| Posted By: kathy Posted On: Jun 11, 2003 Views: 492 | RE: burning inside and out yes. i understand. everyone always tells me, "why do you do stuff like that? you are pretty, smart, a good future, & a lot of ppl luv u." and stuff like that. so wut if i'm college bound, pretty & ppl luv me? no one else seems to understand. that doesnt matter. i still hurt. then they try to 'console' me with 'worse' stories. they never help. i still hurt. you cant look at other ppl for help sometimes. sometimes you have to fight you own battles by yourself. not alone, but by yourself. i noe it sounds hypocritical. youre probably sick of ppl trying 2 comfort you and say stuff that ****es you off, but if you wanta talk or something or just wanna vent, email me khah2522@yahoo.com i feel like i'm in a similar position as you. ~kathy so cali 15 |
| Posted By: Spring Posted On: Sep 15, 2003 Views: 467 | RE: burning inside and out I completely understand how you feel, because I'm entirely the same way. I'm perfect -- honour student, outgoing, volunteer, dancer -- and it's unlikely that anyone knows about me. It's like I'm two people, if you know what I mean. Living this double life...the one people see, the good one. And this life living inside me. The life that has me in my room on these websites attempting to cope, instead of the other life that has my roommates thinking that I'm studying...But they'll never know, they can't ever know. |
| Posted By: JennZ Posted On: Sep 23, 2003 Views: 459 | RE: burning inside and out I understand so completely.... You say that you are not what you perceive as being someone who would self-harm. You have too much going for you; friends, looks, intelligence... I first started self-harming when I was fourteen. I, too, was considered smart--gifted classes, national honor society, blah, blah, blah--and though at the time I didn't think so, I was very attractive, blonde, petite, slim--with many friends and a great family. Yet every time that the stress level got to be too much, I would put out lit cigarettes on my hand. Again and Again and Again. It was the only way to make the emotional bull***t go away. Once I pulled the cigarette off of my hand, the calm would settle over me; I would be able to plan, to see the future, to ACT...not just be acted upon. I am now 26. I graduated at the top of my college class and I'm working on my MBA. I'm still attractive. I still have the greatest friends that anyone could want. And after more than ten years of fighting the urges, my life felt so out of control this past spring that I slipped right back into the old habit. I wake up every morning thinking that if I could just do it one more time I would feel calmer. It's a daily struggle. I don't think that it will ever be a struggle. But I am trying. Unlike you, well, cigarette burns leave a pretty distinctive mark. My mother saw my hand a few months ago, as did my older brother. And my friends. And they know what is going on. The worst thing, though, is that I find myself in a situation where someone with a particularly nasty grudge against me has threatened to use this behaviour to illustrate that I am insane. In court. My ex-husband threatened to do the same thing to me--so that I would lose custody of my only child. He didn't; we are actually amicable--now--but his threats solidified my resolve to get a divorce. Now I face the same threat hanging over my head. Which makes the struggle to refrain from such behaviour even harder. The point of all this being, it's a constant struggle to not do something that does make you feel better. And you are not weird, or a freak, or insane, or any of that. Some days will be easier than others...and the more distance that you can put between episodes, the easier it will be. But the urge will always be there. Don't condemn yourself for it. |