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| Posted By: James Posted On: Jun 14, 2005 Views: 1256 | **** this ****. I've been thinking. What the **** am i still doing here? Most of us get **** on everyday and don't complain cause "that's life", well **** that. Growing up as a kid I didn't get it. Something is missing. The only thing I can remember before I had cancer when I was a kid was going into the back yard and playing with the fairies, which everybody told me didn't exist. Well I'm 22 and still see them ****ers. Everything I was told growing up was bull****, same as now. As a kid I had to go through all the **** that comes with cancer, why? What did I learn from this? I was 11, what the **** did I do. Oh, and I had to go to church and had some old man tell me that if I was good god would take care of me. **** him. Guess what didn't mean anything. I was different so all through school I had to put up with bull****, everybody thought of me as just another depressed teen, never knowing how close to ending it I really was. And, now. The only reason i stayed here was cause if a deal I made with this person, every time I wake up i have to come up with one reason to stay. Well, guess what, I'm out of reasons. I have no reason to be here now. Whats next? Is there something next? I'd like to think it's what we want, or even just a good rest, but it's only a good rest after the fact. How do things fall apart so quickly? I cant see a way to put them all back together. We all have to do this bull**** of going to jobs we don't like until we die. I don't have time to put the pieces back together and work to. But i can quit or I'll have no food, or a place to stay. I wish it was like it was a thousand years ago and I could just travel on foot or horse and just SEE things. Taking what food I need from the earth, sleeping where and when I want. Isn't there any wear like that now? I made the mistake of getting close to someone, and now that I don't see that person anymore, well, it hurts more than any of the **** I went through with the cancer. I broke my own rules and now I'm ****ed. She won't ever love me back the same way as I love her, I know that. But why the **** doesn't it stop hurting? It's been six month since I knew it, why cant I let go. Maybe its time to make myself let go. Anyway, after posting this I expect LOTS of hate replies, don't give a ****. Won't be back here to read them anyway. |
| Posted By: Ralph Posted On: Jun 14, 2005 Views: 1241 | RE: **** this ****. My cat's breath smells like cat food. |
| Posted By: Bakakage Posted On: Jun 14, 2005 Views: 1240 | RE: **** this ****. I know you are still around to read. Yeah, it hurts like hell oh well. It doesn't mean its over This past week i finally got to talk to my old friend again. She actually wants to be friends again, sometime. Right now the husband is preventing that but i got my hope back. Since last august i thought she hated me and never would have me as a friend again but now i know differently. 6 months isn't forever. try a year, try 5 years. And who knows, maybe things will change. If the only reason you want her is to be loved then it means you have unrealistic expecations and are extremely needy. Having a good friend should be more than enough to keep you going, and if its not then even if this was 1000 years ago you still wouldn't be happy with life. Im unemployed i have $11 in my bank account with less than 20 days to make about $400 just to keep my loans from defaulting. But none the less im not going to kill myself. Hell, i cant kill myself, i know sometime in the future my friend will probably need me and i cant take myself away knowing that. If you are the only person that matters in your life then do what you want, no one will care. |
| Posted By: Snrub Posted On: Jun 14, 2005 Views: 1233 | RE: **** this ****. What rules did you break DM? I know this sounds like a lot of crap, but you can amble along in life until, in a very short period of time, things can change massively. So at the end of the day the choice of whether to wait of not is yours. (In the mornings my ogs breath smells like shit) |
| Posted By: XXX Posted On: Jun 14, 2005 Views: 1231 | RE: **** this ****. If you're actually James: It's time for you to do something drastic (not kill yourself) and do something you've never done before. Let go of the past and move on. Maybe actually move out of WV. Join a support group, take up running or volunteering. Doing something is better than just festering in your in your own ****. |
| Posted By: Wilson Posted On: Jun 14, 2005 Views: 1221 | RE: **** this ****. Nah... he won't do anything because it's just not in him to be proactive about anything. Even killing himself will prove to be far too difficult a task. He will continue to fester in his own filth and complain on forums. |
| Posted By: adam Posted On: Jun 15, 2005 Views: 1218 | RE: **** this ****. he even said all that stupid stuff then came back 3 hrs later and replied as bakakage... heres my favorite part: " The only thing I can remember before I had cancer when I was a kid was going into the back yard and playing with the fairies, which everybody told me didn't exist. Well I'm 22 and still see them ****ers"" plus, didnt we all agree with james that his birthday was in may and he was turning 21. |
| Posted By: Joe Posted On: Jun 15, 2005 Views: 1213 | RE: **** this ****. I don't believe the fairy stuff because he lives in West Virginia, not San Francisco. I think the fairies in WV probably keep to themselves and aren't out dancing with fat little kids in public. More likely they would be opening a bed and breakfast. The only thing James is proactive about is complaining that his life isn't handed to him on a silver platter. Try being Mexican asshole. |
| Posted By: Paul Posted On: Jun 15, 2005 Views: 1200 | RE: **** this ****. I live in S.F. but no fairy ever came into my backyard. What's it like being a Mexican asshole? |
| Posted By: Joe Posted On: Jun 15, 2005 Views: 1196 | RE: **** this ****. It ain't easy. |
| Posted By: Bakakage Posted On: Jun 15, 2005 Views: 1191 | RE: **** this ****. Again adam, ask OT to do an ip check. DM and I are two different people. I doubt DM will be posting for a day or two so he can give the illusion that he killed himself, but then will crack and post again |
| Posted By: Snrub Posted On: Jun 15, 2005 Views: 1171 | RE: **** this ****. I'm sure tOdd has nothing better to do than do IP checks. With poor sick Roscoe, missing cameras and TV card dramas (and the FBI questioning why he posted pictures of people without their permission on his site!) I dont think IP checks are gonna be a priority. |
| Posted By: Nashole Posted On: Jun 16, 2005 Views: 1159 | RE: **** this ****. Thats creepy. Online suicude notes? OddTodd must be wierded out. |
| Posted By: Joe Posted On: Jun 16, 2005 Views: 1153 | RE: **** this ****. Nashole = James = pitiful loser trying to revive his lame threads. |
| Posted By: Faul Posted On: Jun 16, 2005 Views: 1148 | RE: **** this ****. suicude? once again, trademark DM spelling |
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