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| Posted By: adam Posted On: Jun 17, 2005 Views: 1224 | Wisconsin Tourism Bureau statement Issued by the Wisconsin Tourism Bureau to ALL visitors: 1) Don't order filet mignon or pasta primavera at Al's Lodge. It's a diner. They serve breakfast 24 hours a day. Let them cook something they know. If you upset the ladies in the kitchen they'll kick your ass. 2) Don't laugh at the names of our little towns (Sheboygan, Menomonee, Nekoosa, Prairie du Chien, etc.) or we'll just have to kick your ass. 3) Don't order a bottle or a can of pop here. Here it's called "soda." Accept it. Doing otherwise can lead to an ass kicking. 4) We know our heritage. Most of us are more literate than you are. We are also better educated and generally a lot nicer. Don't refer to us as a bunch of hicks or we'll kick your ass. 5) We have plenty of business sense. You have to make a living here. Naturally, we do sometimes have small lapses in judgment from time to time, but we are not dumb enough to let someone move to our state in order to run for the Senate. If someone tried to do that, we would kick her ass. 6) Don't laugh at our giant fiberglass fish and cows. Anything that inspires tourists to buy 50,000 postcards can't be bad. And don't laugh at our love and pride of cheese or we'll kick your ass. 7) We are fully aware of how cold it gets here in the winter, so shut the hell up. Just spend your money and get the hell out of here or we'll kick your ass. 8) Don't order the vegetarian special at the local diner. Everyone will instantly know that you're a tourist. Eat your steak well done like God intended and have some potatoes with that, for heaven's sake! Also, don't ask what a hot dish is or we'll kick your ass. 9) Don't try to fake a Wisconsin accent. We don't HAVE an accent. That will incite a riot and you will get your ass kicked. 10) Don't talk about how much better things are at home because we know better. Many of us have visited big-city hellholes like Detroit, New York, and Chicago, and we have the scars to prove it. If you don't like it here, Interstates 90, 94, and 43 are ready when you are. Move your ass on home before it gets kicked. 11) Don't complain that Wisconsin has too many mosquitoes and farm land. If you whine about OUR scenic beauty we'll kick your ass all the way back to Chicago. 12) Don't ridicule our mannerisms. We only speak when spoken to. We hold doors open for others. We offer our seats to old folks because such things are expected of civilized people. Behave yourselves around our sweet little gray-haired grandmothers or they will kick some manners into your ass just like they did ours. 13) So you think we're quaint or losers because most of us live on the farm or in the woods? That's because we have enough sense to not live in filthy, smelly, crime-infested cesspools like New York or LA. Make fun of our fresh air and we'll kick your ass. 14) Oshkosh B'Gosh is NOT a joke. Your ass will be kicked. 15) The Green Bay Packers are not a joke. God created the greatest football dynasty ever and placed it in Green Bay. Any jokes about the Packers or Vince Lombardi will result in a severe and unrelenting ass kicking. 16) If you are from Atlanta, for your own safety, say you are from somewhere else, lest you get your ass kicked. (Take three sports franchises from Milwaukee and we have a tendency to hold a grudge.) 17) If you are looking for a water fountain, you'll need to go to a park. Drinking water comes out of bubblers here. Make a joke about it and, you guessed it, another ass kicking. 18) Sausage Races are cool. Make fun of it, and one of the Sausages will come up from the field of Miller Park and lay down a 8 foot sausage ass kicking on you. 19) The University of Wisconsin is the oldest, best school in the Big Ten. Any jokes about the quality of UW will result in Barry Alverez, Ron Dayne, Dick Bennett, Bo Ryan, Pat Richter, and any able-bodied UW students assisting Bucky Badger in his class, Ass-Kicking 101. 20) Last, but not least, DO NOT DARE to come out here and tell us how the prairies should "go back to the buffalo." This will get your ass shot (right after it is kicked). Just mention this once and you will go home in a pine box. Minus your ass. Now enjoy your visit, spend some money, and then go home. |
| Posted By: adam Posted On: Jun 17, 2005 Views: 1223 | RE: Wisconsin Tourism Bureau statement i thought some of the things mentioned were funny, most of you may not understand, but that doesnt stop anyone from posting something noone understands |
| Posted By: GirlUWant Posted On: Jun 17, 2005 Views: 1220 | RE: Wisconsin Tourism Bureau statement What is a hot dish? |
| Posted By: Joe Posted On: Jun 17, 2005 Views: 1217 | RE: Wisconsin Tourism Bureau statement where is Wisconsin? |
| Posted By: adam Posted On: Jun 17, 2005 Views: 1209 | RE: Wisconsin Tourism Bureau statement do you know what hot cakes are? |
| Posted By: Joe Posted On: Jun 17, 2005 Views: 1206 | RE: Wisconsin Tourism Bureau statement Sometimes my mom would pull a cake out of the oven and I would try to eat it but it would be too hot. I know what a hot tamale is. |
| Posted By: Penis Posted On: Jun 17, 2005 Views: 1204 | RE: Wisconsin Tourism Bureau statement Penis |
| Posted By: adam Posted On: Jun 17, 2005 Views: 1202 | RE: Wisconsin Tourism Bureau statement a hot cake is a pancake... |
| Posted By: Mr Right Posted On: Jun 17, 2005 Views: 1191 | RE: Wisconsin Tourism Bureau statement Hot Dish = GirlUWant!!!!!! |
| Posted By: GirlUWant Posted On: Jun 17, 2005 Views: 1189 | RE: Wisconsin Tourism Bureau statement ha ha...I wish I could really find Mr Right for me...I think he was born in 1967 or 1968. |
| Posted By: Tyson Posted On: Jun 17, 2005 Views: 1184 | RE: Wisconsin Tourism Bureau statement GUW, did you have feathered hair when you were younger? I bet you did. That was so ugly. |
| Posted By: Mr Right Posted On: Jun 18, 2005 Views: 1181 | RE: Wisconsin Tourism Bureau statement 1968 actually, but I am not going to be 'the other man'. When are you going to leave that loser 3rd husband of yours? |
| Posted By: cuppajane Posted On: Jun 18, 2005 Views: 1176 | RE: Wisconsin Tourism Bureau statement hotdish = casserole and if you argue that those midwesterners are stupid for saying hotdish, they get really offended, try it sometime! |
| Posted By: cuppajane Posted On: Jun 18, 2005 Views: 1175 | RE: Wisconsin Tourism Bureau statement k, i'm a tard for not reading that ENTIRE post before my comment. christ those wisconsiners are wordy!!! |
| Posted By: Yauol Posted On: Jun 18, 2005 Views: 1170 | RE: Wisconsin Tourism Bureau statement you're a tard 'cause you're a midwesterner |
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