HO! - BLAME GAME -> Blame Yourself

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TOPIC: Blame Yourself

Posted By: Intelligence Posted On: Sep 9, 2005 Views: 619	Blame Yourself You are to blame. Yes you. You think that one person in the world, George W. Bush, is going to fix all the problems and make everyone feel good, and everything will be OK. It is impossible. People compare Katrina to the 9/11 attacks. Aside form the incredible fear of terrorism, anyone in Louisiana or Missippi would welcome an attack like that over Katrina any day. This is a massive natural disaster spreading over hundreds of miles. The world trade center was two buildings. I'm not trying to down play the 9/11 attacks, but look at what happened afterwards. Bush gave Rudy all the power in the world to complete a task that was focused on 4 city block area. And he did a Great job. So bush did a great job. He did the same in this case, but unfortunately, this happens to be the biggest natural disaster in US history! Weather you had Rudy or all the baby kissin' podunk political figures in the world there, it still is going to be a huge logistical nightmare! And before Katrina got there, they said it would be one of the worst natural disasters in history. A great 30 foot wall of water would sweep over New Orleans. And people left. Some people stayed because they wanted to or they couldn't leave for one reason or another. This was a risk, a big one, and in life there are big risks. So why are people surprised to find that people are hungry, thirsty, have died or are dying! Helicopters can't land underwater. There's not many airboat rescue squads in the world. The food/power/water/supplies of any kind are gone / destroyed/etc... And people still do not want to leave. People loot and shoot people that tried to save other people. If I drive a truck carrying supplies, how do you get there with no directions? They haven't mapped out chaos yet. There are no phones, no cell phones, no Bat signal.. And you look in hindsight and say, well we could have done this, this, and this. Well where were you? Were were all your ideas 10 days ago. The fact is, and still mostly is, It is an incredibly difficult task, with all the variables involved, to move as quickly as people think things should move. It is inconceivable to determine in this type of situation a solution as fast as you think it can be made. There are experts on what to do after a natural disaster, but no one is an expert on this. This is a natural Catastrophe. Even in Florida, people died, attributed to Katrina, after the storm, and it was a category 1 hurricane! A couple people stepped on downed power lines or got hit by loose tree branches. And last year even, trees were downed, power was out for hundreds of thousands of people, but there was also something to work off of. There were houses to bring power back to. There were grocery stores to bring food to. There were shelters with people that were thankful for the shelter. A couple weeks ago, someone was outside in a lighting storm in florida and they were struck by lightining. Was it bush's fault for not telling them not to do that? The Red Cross won't go into an area unless it is safe. If they went into New Orleans, not only would they be exposed to toxic flood waters, but the people that they would go into help were shooting cops because they were looting! Coast-guard helicopters had to stop saving people because they were being shot at. The Red Cross is stationed outside of New Orleans because it is a lure for people to leave the city!! People do not want to leave! Is this bush's fault? There is no food/water... Whay are you staying there!! Your house is filling with black mold from all the flooding that has occured and the spores that it can let off can kill you! Why don't you leave! And for what ever reason that they stay and have no Aid, why are you blaming Bush? Blame yourself!! Red Cross, FEMA, and Bush can't save the world! Stop acting so helpless!! Save yourself stupid!! Save your friend!! Save your family!! It starts with you!! Blame yourself!! You are the one that waited so long! Are you saying, you are not smart enough to make decisions about yourself or people that you could prevent from living or dying or just being uncomfortable? Keep watching that TV and see who you can blame. Write those checks, I'm sure your doing the right thing. Everybody else is doing the wrong thing. You know for sure. By the way, did you know that this is the biggest natural disaster in US history. You know, giving to Red Cross is great. But if your going to complain, you better have thought of a better way to help instead of a better way to bitch. Instead of organizing a protest about how long it's taking to give help, why don't you go down there and help. You can help. Adopt a family, bring them in your house, and if they don't loot you and wreck your place, by their time they leave, you've developed a new friendship. Or find a family in need, just like a family like yours, except they are living in Baton Rouge with all the relatives that they usually just see at christmas or 4th of july, and they have two shirts and one pair of dirty pants. Send them some hurricane releif. Some of them have nothing. Buy them some sheets, bathroom supplies, towels, shirts, socks, maybe throw in some little bottles of Jack Daniels, and a $50 gift certificate to Wal-Mart. Red Cross wants you to send them money. Which is fine. This is the most effective way that they can get shipments to provide to people evenly and as effectively as they know how. But if you want to make sure someone gets a bottle of water, why don't you go and give it to them yourself.
Posted By: Dynamite Posted On: Sep 9, 2005 Views: 598	RE: RE: Blame Yourself [Current Surges] Napoleon: [Groaning, Grunting] Kill--the pow-- [Groaning] Kill-- [Groaning] [Groaning] Turn it off! Turn it off, Kip! [Moaning] [Groans] It's a piece of crap. It doesn't work. [Panting] Rico: Well, I could've told you that. [Groans] - Rico: I-I said the 12-pack, not the 24 pack. You're just gonna have to mix and match. Napoleon: [Hushed] Shut up. Say it so the whole world can hear. Rico: Well, put it back. - Rico: Napoleon, you know we can't afford the fun pack. What do you think money grows on trees in this family? Take it back. And get some Pampers for you and your brother while you're at it. We can use a little of this, I can tell you that. We can use those. - Napoleon: The defect in that one is bleach. Judge: That's correct. Napoleon: Yes! This tastes like the cow got into an onion patch. Judge: Correct. Napoleon: Yes! - Pedro: They're pretty good except for one little problem. That little guy right there, he is nipple number five. A good dairy cow should have, like, four. Judge: Well done. - Summer: Vote for Summer. Don: Vote for Summer. Summer: Vote for Summer. Thanks Don: Yeah. Vote for Summer. Summer: Hi. Vote for Summer Hi, ladies. Vote for Summer. You guys voting? Pedro: Do you think it's kinda warm in here? Napoleon: No. Pedro: I think it's-- They have the heater on or something. Napoleon: It seems pretty good to me. Pedro: You don't feel like your head is burning or-- or anything? Napoleon: No. Pedro: I'm gonna go home and lay down. Napoleon: Kay, See ya. Don: Vote for Summer. Napoleon: Yeah, right. I'm not votin' for her. Don: Then who are you gonna vote for? Napoleon: I'm votin' for Pedro Sanchez. Who do you think? Don: [Scoffs] Napoleon: Hey, Don, can I have one of those buttons? - Kip: So, that guy in Florida give you your money back yet? Rico: Oh, I wrote him an e-mail, sayin' I'm gonna contact the authorities if I don't get a refund in full. [Sighs] Don't you ever wish you could go back...with all the knowledge you have now? Tsk. Kip: I guess so. Rico: Well, I'll tell you somethin' right now. You'd find your soul mate. Kip: I've already got a soul mate. Rico: Oh, yeah. What's her name again? Kip: Lafawnduh. Rico: Lafawnduh. Huh. How's she doin'? Kip: Well, I think I'm gonna need some time off. She's flyin' out from Detroit for a few days. Rico: Well, what about work? Well, haven't-- haven't you studied up on the new product? Kip: Yes. Rico: Well, do you know it backwards and front? Kip: Basically. Rico: Why don't you sell some to that girlfriend of yours? You might as well do somethin' while you're doin' nothin'. Kip: Because she doesn't need any. That's why. Napoleon Hey. I did some drawings for the flyers. Pedro Thanks. Napoleon Why do you got your hood up like that? Pedro Well, when I came home from school, my head started to get really hot. So I drank some cold water, but it didn't do nothing. So I laid in the bathtub for a while... but then I realized that it was my hair that was making my head so hot. So I went into my kitchen, and I shaved it all off. I don't want anyone to see. Napoleon I know what you mean. - Deb [Sighs] There's just so many options. Napoleon That one's good. Looks like a medieval warrior. Deb You know, you're right. That's a good one. Napoleon Sorry. Deb I think this matches your season, Pedro. - Pedro Vote for Pedro. Napoleon Vote for Pedro. Pedro Vote for Pedro. Napoleon Vote for Pedro. Pedro Vote for me. Napoleon Vote for Pedro. Vote for Pedro. Pedro Vote for me. Napoleon Vote for Pedro. Pedro Vote for Pedro. - Randy Hey, give me 50 cents so I can buy a pop. Nerd I don't have any, Randy. Randy Come on. I'll pay you back. Nerd I don't have-- Stop. Don't. Stop. Stop. Randy I'll do this to you. Nerd Don't. Ow. Here. Here. Napoleon How's your neck? Nerd Stings. Napoleon That's too bad. Pedro offers you his protection. - Randy Hey, let me borrow your bike. Nerd No. Randy Come on. I'll give you some chips. Nerd No. - Lafawnduh [Squeals] [Kissing] - Summer Like a wash, and then you blow-dry it with bleach. Yeah. It's so cool. Rico Hey, you Trisha? Trisha Yeah. Rico You remember me? I'm a friend of you mom's. I'm-- I'm Napoleon's uncle. Uncle Rico. Trisha Oh. Yeah. Rico Hey, could you do me a favor? Could you give your mom a couple of these and tell 'em to hand 'em out to her friends or whoever? Trisha 'Kay. Rico You girls give me a call if you feel like you could use some. Have a nice day. Trisha & Summer [Scoff] - Rico [Yelps] [Groans] Why the heck you throwin' crap at my van, Napoleon? Napoleon Everybody at school things I'm a freakin' idiot 'cause of you. Rico [Straining] You're gonna clean my van...right now. Napoleon Get off of me, you bodaggit. Rico [Groans] [Groaning] Napoleon [Groans] Rico [Groaning] - Crowd [Chattering] Boy Higher. No, no, higher. Yeah! Crowd [Cheering, Hooting] [Cheering, Hooting] Boy Yeah. Hit it! - Napoleon Dang. - Principal Look, Pedro. I don't know how they do things down in Juarez, but here in Idaho we have a little something called pride. Understand? Smashing in the face of a piñata that resembles Summer Wheatly is a disgrace to you, me, and the entire Gem State. - D-Qwon Welcome to D-Qwon's Dance Grooves. Are you ready to get your groove on? Napoleon Yes. D-Qwon All right, then. Let's get started. - Deb Are you disqualified? Pedro No. They just made me take down the flyers as a penalty for the piñatas. Deb Can you still run for president? Pedro Yes. I don't understand. He say...you're not allowed to smash piñatas that look like real people. But we do it in Mexico all the time. Deb Your hair looked great today. Pedro Thank you. Deb All right. See you tomorrow, Pedro. - Napoleon [Burps] Who are you? Lafawnduh I'm Lafawnduh. Napoleon What are you doing here? Lafawnduh I'm waiting for Kip. Napoleon Kip? Napoleon Hey. I did some drawings for the flyers. Pedro Thanks. Napoleon Why do you got your hood up like that? Pedro Well, when I came home from school, my head started to get really hot. So I drank some cold water, but it didn't do nothing. So I laid in the bathtub for a while... but then I realized that it was my hair that was making my head so hot. So I went into my kitchen, and I shaved it all off. I don't want anyone to see. Napoleon I know what you mean. - Deb [Sighs] There's just so many options. Napoleon That one's good. Looks like a medieval warrior. Deb You know, you're right. That's a good one. Napoleon Sorry. Deb I think this matches your season, Pedro. - Pedro Vote for Pedro. Napoleon Vote for Pedro. Pedro Vote for Pedro. Napoleon Vote for Pedro. Pedro Vote for me. Napoleon Vote for Pedro. Vote for Pedro. Pedro Vote for me. Napoleon Vote for Pedro. Pedro Vote for Pedro. - Randy Hey, give me 50 cents so I can buy a pop. Nerd I don't have any, Randy. Randy Come on. I'll pay you back. Nerd I don't have-- Stop. Don't. Stop. Stop. Randy I'll do this to you. Nerd Don't. Ow. Here. Here. Napoleon How's your neck? Nerd Stings. Napoleon That's too bad. Pedro offers you his protection. - Randy Hey, let me borrow your bike. Nerd No. Randy Come on. I'll give you some chips. Nerd No. - Lafawnduh [Squeals] [Kissing] - Summer Like a wash, and then you blow-dry it with bleach. Yeah. It's so cool. Rico Hey, you Trisha? Trisha Yeah. Rico You remember me? I'm a friend of you mom's. I'm-- I'm Napoleon's uncle. Uncle Rico. Trisha Oh. Yeah. Rico Hey, could you do me a favor? Could you give your mom a couple of these and tell 'em to hand 'em out to her friends or whoever? Trisha 'Kay. Rico You girls give me a call if you feel like you could use some. Have a nice day. Trisha & Summer [Scoff] - Rico [Yelps] [Groans] Why the heck you throwin' crap at my van, Napoleon? Napoleon Everybody at school things I'm a freakin' idiot 'cause of you. Rico [Straining] You're gonna clean my van...right now. Napoleon Get off of me, you bodaggit. Rico [Groans] [Groaning] Napoleon [Groans] Rico [Groaning] - Crowd [Chattering] Boy Higher. No, no, higher. Yeah! Crowd [Cheering, Hooting] [Cheering, Hooting] Boy Yeah. Hit it! - Napoleon Dang. - Principal Look, Pedro. I don't know how they do things down in Juarez, but here in Idaho we have a little something called pride. Understand? Smashing in the face of a piñata that resembles Summer Wheatly is a disgrace to you, me, and the entire Gem State. - D-Qwon Welcome to D-Qwon's Dance Grooves. Are you ready to get your groove on? Napoleon Yes. D-Qwon All right, then. Let's get started. - Deb Are you disqualified? Pedro No. They just made me take down the flyers as a penalty for the piñatas. Deb Can you still run for president? Pedro Yes. I don't understand. He say...you're not allowed to smash piñatas that look like real people. But we do it in Mexico all the time. Deb Your hair looked great today. Pedro Thank you. Deb All right. See you tomorrow, Pedro. - Napoleon [Burps] Who are you? Lafawnduh I'm Lafawnduh. Napoleon What are you doing here? Lafawnduh I'm waiting for Kip. Napoleon Kip? Lafawnduh Why are you so sweaty? Napoleon I been practicing. Lafawnduh Mmm. Practicing what? Napoleon Some dance moves. Lafawnduh You like dancing? Kip Well, my chores are done. So, you ready, Lafawnduh? Lafawnduh I am, honey. Kip Sorry, Napoleon. We're just runnin' a little bit late for some prime rib. Tell Uncle Rico not to wait up for me. Lafawnduh Here. You might like that. My cousin made it. I'll be waitin' outside for you, baby. Bye, Napoleon. Napoleon See ya. Kip Lafawnduh is the best thing that has ever happened to me. I'm a hundred percent positive that she's my soul mate. Napoleon, I'm sure there's a babe out there for you too. Peace out. Napoleon See ya. - Deb Is this what you were looking for? Rico Nah, I was thinkin' of somethin' a little more... soft around the edges. Deb Hmm. Well... I have a nice, soft pink sheet I could hang... and I could wrap you in some foam or... something billowy? Rico Yeah, billowy's good. [Chuckles] Deb [Sighs] It'd be really nice if I could get the fan going. I could hang some tinsel from the top. Rico You know, Deborah, you have...striking features. Such a soft face should be complimented with a...soft body. Deb Mr. Rico? Rico My friends and clients, they call me "Uncle Rico." Deb What are you doing? Rico Shh. Don't say another word. Napoleon told me you'd be interested. Deb Napoleon? Rico You stop wishin', and call me when you're ready. - Napoleon Hello? Deb Napoleon? Napoleon Yeah. Who's this? Deb It's Deb... and I'm calling to let you know I think you're a shallow friend. Napoleon What the heck are you even talkin' about? Deb Don't lie, Napoleon. Your Uncle Rico made it very clear how you feel about me. Napoleon What? Deb I don't need herbal enhancers to feel good about myself. And if you're so concerned about that, why don't you try eating some yourself? - Rico Right on. Napoleon Grandma just called and said you're supposed to go home. Rico Uh, she didn't tell me anything. Napoleon Too bad. She says she doesn't want you here when she gets back because you've been ruining everybody's lives and eatin' all our steak. Rico I'm not goin' anywhere, Napoleon. Napoleon Get off my property! Rico It's a free country. I can do whatever I want. Napoleon Get off my property, or I'll call the cops on you. Rico Well, then do it. Go on. Napoleon Maybe I will. Gosh! - Pedro Hello? Napoleon Pedro? How's it goin'? Pedro Good. Napoleon Deb just called me. She pretty much hates me by now. Pedro Why? Napoleon 'Cause my Uncle Rico's an idiot! Pedro Do you have anything to give to her? Napoleon No, not unless she likes fish. Are you still gonna give your speech tomorrow? Pedro Yes. Napoleon Do you already know what you're gonna say? Pedro Yes...but not all of it. Napoleon Just tell 'em that...their wildest dreams will come true if they vote for you. Pedro [Sighs] Napoleon I'll see you tomorrow, Pedro. - Rico [Shouts] Dang it! What do you think you're doing? - Rico Now, if you look right here, we have Sally Johnson from Manitou, Colorado. Would you like to read her testimonial right there? Starla Sure. Um... "After using Bust Must Plus, I have such big bosoms--" I don't feel comfortable reading this. Rico Oh, that's fine. That's fine. But do you feel comfortable with me? You could be...somewhere around, uh...here. [Sauce Pans Clattering] Rex Come here, boy! [Commotion, Crashing] Rico [Yelping] - Summer Well, I never thought I would make it here today. I would be a great class president because I promise to put two new pop machines in the cafeteria, and I'm also gonna get a glitter Bonnebell dispenser for all the girls' bathrooms. Oh, we're gonna get new cheerleading uniforms. Anyway, I think I'd be a great class president, so, uh... who wants to eat "chimini-changas" next year? Not me. See, with me, it will be summer all year long. Vote for Summer. Principal And now Summer will perform her skit with members of our very own Happy Hands Club. Woman Your speech is up next. Your skit had better be pretty good. Pedro A skit? Woman You perform a skit after your speech, Pedro. Napoleon What? A flippin' skit? Why didn't anybody tell us about this? [Summers Skit is Performed] Pedro I dont' want to be president anyway. Napoleon Pedro, just listen to your heart. That's what I do. Pedro I'll just tell them that I have nothing to say. Hello. I don't have much to say. But I think it would be good to have some holy santos brought to the high school to guard the hallway and to bring us good luck. El Santo Niño de Atocha is a good one. My Aunt Concha has seen him. And...we have a great F.F.A. schedule lined up-- and I'd like to see more of that. If you vote for me, all of your wildest dreams will come true. Thank you. Principal Up next, I hope you'll enjoy a skit by Pedro Sanchez. Napoleon [Sighs] [Napoleon Dances] - Napoleon I caught you a delicious bass. You wanna play me? Deb [Nods] - [Credits Run} - Lyle I, uh, would like to give you this advice. And a fella give me some years ago. He said, "When an argument arises... if you go outside and take, uh, a nice walk... you'll calm down and then you can come back and it won't be an argument. And you'll find that helps your health. All that fresh air and exercise will do you a lot of good." [Chuckles] Is there anything else you'd like to ask about? Tina [Grunts] Rico Pedro. Where the heck's Napoleon? Pedro I don't know. Lyle Lafawnduh Lucas, do you take Kipland Ronald Dynamite to be your lawful wedded husband... to honor in sickness and health 'till death do you part? Lafawnduh I do. Lyle Kipland Ronald Dynamite do you take Lafawnduh Lucas to be your lawful wedded wife in sickness and health 'till death do you part? Kip You know I do. Lyle By the authority vested in me, I pronounce you man and wife. You may kiss the bride. Kip [Sings] Why do you love me Why do you need me Always and forever We met in a chat room Now our love can fully bloom Sure the World Wide Web is great [Feedback] But you, you make me "salvivate" Yes, I love technology But not as much as you, you see But I still love technology Always and forever Our love is like a flock of doves Flying up to heaven above Always and forever Always and forever Yes our love is truly great Always and forever Why do you need me Why do you love me Napoleon Sorry I'm late. I just got done taming a wild honeymoon stallion for you guys. Kip Hmm. Napoleon Hey, Deb, can you take a photo of me on the horse real quick? Deb Sure [Shutter Clicks] Napoleon Thanks. I hope your guys's experiences are unforgettable. Kip Hmm. Lookee, lookee. A little keepsake for you guys. Napoleon Lucky.
Posted By: Napoleon Posted On: Sep 9, 2005 Views: 599	RE: RE: RE: Blame Yourself [Napoleon Sighs] Random Kid: What are you gonna do today Napoleon? Napoleon: Whatever I feel like I want to do. Gosh- Teacher: Your current event Napoleon. Audio Napoleon: Last week, Japanese scientists explaced- placed explosive detonators at the bottom of Lake Loch Ness to blow Nessie out of the water. Sir Curt Godfrey of the Nessie Alliance summoned the help of Scotland's local wizards to cast a protective spell over the lake and it's local residents and all those who seek for the peaceful existence of our underwater ally. Don: Hey, Napoleon, what'd you do all last summer again? Napoleon: I told you. I spent it with my uncle in Alaska hunting wolverines. Don: Did you shoot any? Napoleon: Yes, like 50 of 'em. They kept tryin' to attack my cousins. What the heck would you do in a situation like that? Don: What kind of gun did you use? Napoleon: A frickin' 12-gauge. What do you think? Randy: You think you're funny? Just watch you step. Napoleon: But I didn't--[Indistinct] Napoleon: Hey, could I use your guys's phone for a sec? Receptionist: Is there anything wrong? Napoleon: I don't feel very good. Kip: Hi Napoleon: Is Grandma There? Kip: No, she's getting her hair done. Napoleon: [Sighs] Kip: What do you need? Napoleon: Can you just go get her for me? Kip: I'm really busy right now. Napoleon: Well, just tell her to come get me. Kip: Why? Napoleon: 'Cause I don't feel good. Kip: Well, have you talked to the school nurse? Napoleon: No, she doesn't know anything. Will you just come get me? Kip: No. Napoleon: Well, will you do me a favor then? Kip: What? Napoleon: Can you bring me my ChapStick? Kip: No, Napoleon Napoleon: But my lips hurt real bad. Kip: Just borrow some from the school nurse. I know she has, like, five sticks in her drawer. Napoleon: I'm not gonna use hers, you sicko. Kip: See ya. [Dial Tone] Napoleon: [Groans] Idiot! Woman on P.A.: David Dempke, please come to the office. David Dempke. Principal: You do understand English? This isn't that complex. Look, the cafeteria's down the hall to the right and downstairs. Napoleon: Hey, is that a new kid or something? Principal: Napoleon, this is Pedro. Would you mind showing him where his locker is? Napoleon: Sure. Come on. Napoleon: You know, there's, like, a buttload of gangs at this school. This one gang kept wanting me to join 'cause I'm pretty good with a bo staff. Do you ride the bus to school? Pedro: No. I ride by bike. Napoleon: What kind of bike do you have? Pedro: It's a Sledgehammer. Napoleon: Dang! You got shocks, pegs. Lucky! You ever take it off any sweet jumps? Napoleon: You got, like, three feet of air that time. Can I try it really quick? [Groans] Dang it! Kip: I love the way... your sandy hair... floats in the air. To me it's like a lullaby. I'm just flying by, oh, so high... like a kite tied to a stake. Grandma: How was school? Napoleon: The worst day of my life. What do you think? Grandma: Well, I want you to go see if Tina wants some of this. Napoleon: [Sighs] Kip hasn't done flipping anything today. Grandma: Look, tonight me and your-- Kip, listen! Kip: What? Grandma: Tonight me and your aunt are gonna go visit some friends and we're not gonna be back till tomorrow. We're gettin' a little low on steak, so I got Lyle comin' over tomorrow to take care of it. Napoleon: Well, what's there to eat? Grandma: Knock it off, Napoleon. Make yourself a dang quesadilla! Napoleon: Fine! Grandma: I'll be back tomorrow. Napoleon: Stay home and eat all the freakin' chips, Kip! Kip: Napoleon, don't be jealous that I've been chatting online with babes, all day. Besides, we both know I'm training to become a cage fighter. Napoleon: Since when, Kip? You have the worst reflexes of all time. Kip: Try and hit me, Napoleon. Napoleon: What? Kip: I said come down here and see what happens if you try and hit me. Napoleon: Such an idiot! Kip: Let me see what your best move is. Napoleon: [Sighs] [Doorbell Rings] Napoleon: I'll go get it. [Napoleon slaps Kip] Kip: Geez! Deb: Um, hello. Would you like to look like this? Napoleon: This is a girl. Deb: Because for a limited time only glamour shots by Deb are 75% off. Napoleon: I already get my hair cut at the Cuttin' Corral. Deb: Well, maybe you'd be interested in some home-woven handicrafts. Rex: I'm Rex, founder of the Rex Kwon Do Self-Defense System. After one week with me in my dojo, you'll be prepared to defend yourself with the strength of a grizzly... the reflexes of a puma... and the wisdom of a man. So come down today for your free trial lesson! Deb: In here we have some boondoggle key chains. A must-have for this season's fashion. Napoleon: I already made, like, a finity of those at Scout camp. a finity - infinity Deb: Well, is anyone else here? I'm trying to earn money for college. Kip: Your mom goes to college. Napoleon: Tina, you fat lard. Come get some dinner. Napoleon: Tina, eat. Eat the food. Napoleon: Eat the food! Kip: It'd be nice if you could pull me into town. Rex: My name is Rex, and if you study with my eight-week program you will learn a system of self defense that I developed over two seasons of fighting in the Octagon. It's called Rex Kwon Do! I need a volunteer. [Kip raises hand] Rex: Okay, you'll do. Come up here. Bow to your sensei. Bow to your sensei! Okay. Now I'm gonna give you one chance. One chance, people. Give me your best shot. All right. That was pretty good. Okay. Now, watch this everybody. Grab my arm. The other arm. My other arm. Okay, now watch this. I'm just gonna break the wrist and walk away. Break the wrist, walk away. [Rex hits Kip in the wrist] Kip: Geez! Rex: Okay. It's just that simple. Now, I want you to kick me. Come on. Kick me. Okay, do it again. Do it again. Kip: Ouch. Rex: Okay. You'll block it every time. Have a seat. Now, in addition to what you just saw if you study with my eight-week program, you're gonna learn these things. First off... Rex Kwin Do, we use the buddy system. No more flyin' solo. You need somebody watching your back at all times! Second off, you're gonna learn to discipline your image. Do you think I got where I am today because I dress like Peter Pan here? Take a look at what I'm wearing, people. Do you think anybody wants a roundhouse kick to the face while I'm wearin' these bad boys? Forget about it. Last off, my students will learn about self-respect. Do you think anybody thinks I'm a failure because I go home to Starla at night? Forget about it! Now, for only $300, you can sign up right now for my eight-week program. Kip: Well, that place was a rip-off. Napoleon: Hey, Lyle. Lyle: Nothin' on here works smooth. Napoleon: So me and you are pretty much friends by now, right? Pedro: Yes. Napoleon: So, you got my back and everything? Pedro: What? Napoleon: Never mind. Have you heard about the dance? Pedro: Yes. Napoleon: Have you met anyone to ask yet? Pedro: No. But I probably will after school. Napoleon: Who you gonna ask? Pedro: That girl over there. Napoleon: Summer Wheatly? How the heck are you gonna do that? Pedro: Build her a cake or something. Napoleon: Yeah, my old girlfriend from Oklahoma was gonna fly out here for the dance but she couldn't 'cause she's doing some modeling right now. Pedro: Is she hot? Napoleon: See for yourself. Pedro: Wow. Napoleon: Yeah, I took her to the mall to get some glamour shots for her birthday one year. Pedro: I like her bangs. Napoleon: Me too. Napoleon: How long did it take you to grow that mustache? Pedro: A couple of days. Napoleon: I wish I could grow one. Are you gonna eat your Tots? Pedro: No. Napoleon: Can I have 'em? Napoleon: You see that girl over there? She came over to my house the other day. Pedro: Why? Napoleon: Idon't know, but she left all this crap on my porch. Pedro: She's pretty good-looking. Napoleon: Do you dare me to go talk to her? Pedro: Sure. Napoleon: I see you're drinking one-percent. Is that 'cause you think you're fat? 'Cause you're not. You could be drinking whole if you wanted to. Well, I have all your equipment in my locker. You should probably come get it 'cause I can't fit my numchucks in there anymore. Deb: Where's your locker? Napoleon: Hey, can I have one of your key chains? Rico: Hello? Randy: Napoleon, give me some of your Tots. Napoleon: No, go find your own. Randy: Come on. Give me some of your Tots. Napoleon: No. I'm freakin' starved. I didn't get to eat anything today. Napoleon: G-- Gross. Freakin' idiot! [Napoleon Sighs] Napoleon: Tina, come get some ham. Napoleon: What are you doing here, Uncle Rico? Rico: Your grandma took a little spill at the sand dunes today, broke her coccyx. Napoleon: What? Since when does she go to the dunes? Rico: Looks like there's a lot you don't know about her. Kip: So, when's Grandma coming back? Rico: I don't know. Not sure. Napoleon: You don't have to stay here with us. We're not babies. Rico: [Laughs] Talk to your Auntie Caroline. Napoleon: Well, Kip is, like, 32 years old. Kip: I don't mind if you stay. Rico: Oh. Thanks, Kip. Napoleon: What the flip was Grandma doin' at the sand dunes? Rico: She was on a date...with her boyfriend. Napoleon: Boyfriend? Rico: Hey, you guys want to see my video? Rico: [Chuckles] So, what do you think? Kip: It's pretty cool, I guess. Rico: Oh. Man, I wish I could go back in time. I'd take state. Napoleon: This is pretty much the worst video ever made. Kip: Napoleon, like anyone can even know that. Rico: You know what, Napoleon? You can leave. Napoleon: You guys are retarded. Rico Hah! Hey, check that out. Kip: So, you and Tammy still together? Rico: No. Not really. Kip: Why is that? Rico: Well...she's jealous. Says I'm livin' too much in '82. Kip: Really? Rico: Well, I dumped her. What about your girlfriend? Kip: Well, things are gettin' pretty serious right now. I mean, we chat online for, like, two hours every day... so I guess you could say things are gettin' pretty serious. I'm just really tryin' to raise a few bucks right now so I can bring her around for a few days. Rico: Yep. Well, what's she look like? Kip: She's uh-- she's got sandy blonde hair. She's, uh, pretty-look-- pretty good-looking face, but... I'm just gettin' really-- just kinda T.O.'d because, I mean, she hasn't even sent me a full body shot yet. Rico: Hey, you know... I got a little project... that we might be able to make a little moola with. Kip: Really? That sounds pretty good. Rico: Have you ever heard of nylon polymer? Napoleon: Go for it. Rico: Back in '82, I used to be able to throw a pigskin a quarter mile. Kip: Are you serious? Rico: I'm dead serious. Watch this. [Napoleon Groans] Napoleon: What the heck are you doing? Kip: That's what I'm talkin' about. Pedro: I better go. Rico: How much you want to make a bet I can throw a football over them mountains? Yeah. If coach would've put me in fourth quarter... we'd have been state champions, no doubt. No doubt in my mind. You better believe things would have been different. I'd have gone pro...in a heartbeat. I'd be makin' millions of dollars and... livin' in a... big ol' mansion somewhere. You know, soakin' it up in a hot tub with my soul mate. Kip, I reckon you know a lot about cyberspace. Y-You ever come across anything like time travel? Kip: Easy. I've already looked into it for myself. Rico: Right on. Right on. Summer: Is Pedro here today? Napoleon: I don't think so. Why? Summer: Just wondering. Can you, uh, give this to him for me? Napoleon: Okay. Hey, Summer, you want to play me? Summer: Mm-mmm. Napoleon: Ow. God. Deb: What are you drawing? Napoleon: A liger. Deb: What's a liger? Napoleon: It's pretty much my favorite animal. It's like a lion and a tiger mixed. Bred for its skills in magic. Deb: Hmm. [Sighs] Where's your friend? Napoleon: I don't know. Did you see him today? Deb: No. Napoleon: Neither did I. Deb: Do you need a ride? Napoleon: No. I missed the bus today, but my uncle's coming to get me. Deb: Oh. [Horn Honks] Napoleon: See ya. -Rico: Right. I-- I think just a little bit east of the cementery is a good little area right here. We should do it there. Don't go down here, 'cause they don't have any money. Kip: So, how long are we talkin' about workin'? Rico: What are you-- You're already losing your steam? Kip: No. I just-- I have a chat room meeting at four. I gotta be back here by then. Rico: All right, you just start a little earlier. That's all. Kip: All right. Rico: Or else work afterwards. How long's the chat room? Kip: Geez, sometimes up to three, four hours maybe. Maybe not. I don't know. Rico: You-- You pay the bills for that? Does that cost money every time you're on, like for minutes on the phone? Kip: Yeah. Grandma's still payin' per minute. She gets kind of ****ed at me sometimes 'cause I'm on there so long. Rico: I'll bet she does. I'll tell you somethin', i'd be throwin' you out the window. Woman: Bueno. Napoleon: Hello? Woman: Who's this? Napoleon: Napoleon Dynamite. Woman: Who? Napoleon: Napoleon Dynamite. I'm one of Pedro's best friends. Woman: Your name is Napoleon? Napoleon: Yes. Is Pedro there? Woman: No, he's not here right now. Napoleon: Okay, bye. Rico See, Crystal Street. That's for you. I'm goin' to Adams Park. They got some money in Adams Park. Napoleon What? Rico Let's go, Kipper. I think we should take this someplace a little more private. Kip That's a good idea. Kip Please. Please. Be good to me. Please, keep going. Dead on. Dead on. Yes! Rico Before we get started on our new project, I have a few concerns. First off, I'm concerned about your transportation situation. I mean, do you--you got a car you can borrow from someone? Kip Well, that's the problem right now. At the moment, nothing comes to mind. Rico You can borrow my van for the time being. I-- I do better on foot anyway. We also need some way to make us look official, like we got all the answers. Kip How about some gold bracelets? Rico We need, like, some name tags with our picture on it, all laminated and whatnot. I mean, we gotta look legit, man. Kip That's true. That's true. Rico Say, you know of a-- a place we can get our picture taken, like, a-- a photo store? Deb Okay. Turn your head on more of a slant. Now, make a fist and slowly ease it up underneath your chin. This is looking really good. Kip You can say that again. Deb Okay, hold still right there. Now, just image you're weightless. You're in the middle of the ocean... surrounded by tiny little sea horses. [Shutter Clicks] Deb That was the one. I think that's gonna come out really nice. Rico [Chuckles] Uh, you did it? Wow. Wow, that felt really relaxed. Thanks, Deb. [Chuckles] You're up, Kip. Kip Is there some kind of vest that I can wear? - Napoleon Where have you been? Pedro I got sick. Napoleon Has Summer said anything to you yet? Pedro No, not yet. Napoleon Well, she said no. Pedro She did? Well, what about that other girl? Napoleon What other girl? Pedro The one that left all that crap on your porch. Napoleon You mean Deb? Pedro Yes, her. Napoleon What about her? Pedro Well, I asked her out too. Napoleon What? - Napoleon Well, nobody's gonna go out with me. Pedro Have you asked anybody yet? Napoleon No, but who would? I don't even have any good skills. Pedro What do you mean? Napoleon You know, like numchuck skills, bow hunting skills, computer hacking skills. Girls only want boyfriends who have great skills. Pedro Aren't you pretty good at drawing, like, animals and warriors and stuff? Napoleon Yes. Probably the best that I know of. Pedro Just draw a picture of the girl you want to take out, and give it to her for, like, a gift or something. Napoleon That's a pretty good idea. - Rico Now, if you invest in the 24-piece set I'm gonna throw in a little gift. Man So, what's the gift? Rico I bet you folks don't have one of these. Woman I want that. Rico You see, this ain't your run-of-the-mill "crapper-ware." These are some serious "NuPont" fiber-woven bowls. Man So, if we purchase the 24-piece set... the mini sailboat is included? Rico That's correct, sir. Lance, you look like a strong young pup. Why don't you see if you can give that a nice tear. Don't hurt yourself now. Man I can't do it. Can't. Rico So, uh... how does the "dealio" sound to you? - Kip Dang it. - Napoleon Is Trisha here? Trisha's Mom Oh, I'm sorry, she's not. She's at a friend's house right now. Rico Well, hey, Napoleon. Napoleon's my nephew. Trisha's Mom Oh, that's nice. Napoleon Could you just give this to her for me? Trisha's Mom I certainly could. Napoleon Thanks. Trisha's Mom Bye-bye. Rico Poor kid. I've been takin' care of him while his grandma's in the hospital. He still wets the bed and everything. Trisha's Mom You're kidding. Rico Yeah, he's a tender little guy. He still gets beat up and whatnot. Anyway, uh... so we still feelin' pretty good about this, uh, 32-piece set here? - Kip: Ow! Napoleon: What the crap was Uncle Rico doin' over at my girlfriend's house? Kip: Napoleon, let go of me! I think you're bruisin' my neck meat! Napoleon: Fine. What the heck are you guys doin'? Tryin' to ruin my life and make me look like a friggin' idiot? Kip: I'm out makin' some sweet moola with Uncle Rico. Geez, I think you ripped my mole off. Napoleon: I did? Kip: Yeah, is it bleeding? [Door Opens] Napoleon: A little bit. Rico: Hey, Kip. I wish you wouldn't look at me like that, Napoleon. Napoleon: I wish you'd get out of my life and shut up. Rico: I'm gonna tell you somethin' right now. While you're out there playin' patty-cake with your friend Pedro, your Uncle Rico... is makin' 120 bucks. Napoleon: I could make that much money in five seconds. Kip: Geez. Yeah, right, Napoleon. I made, like, 75 bucks today. Rico: Napoleon, it looks like you don't have a job. So why don't you get out there and feed Tina. Napoleon: Why don't you go eat a "decroded" piece of crap. - Napoleon Dynamite's Voice Reading Letter: There's a lot more where this came from if you go to the dance with me. Yours truly, Napoleon Dynamite. Trisha's Mother: You know you're gonna go to that dance with that boy. Trisha: [Groans] - Farmer: By noon I need them 8,000 hens moved into their new cages. Sometimes they don't want to cooperate. But you give 'em a good shakin', they'll settle down for ya. Napoleon: Do the chickens have large talons? Farmer: Do they have what? Napoleon: Large talons. Farmer: I don't understand a word you just said. Okay, you meet me back here about noon, and, uh we'll have a little lunch waitin' for ya. - [Chickens Clucking] Napoleon: Ew! - Farmer: [Slurps] Well, dig in. Lyle: Over there, in that pig pen, I found a couple of Shoshoni arrowheads. Napoleon: [Gags] Farmer: [Refreshing Sigh] Can't find my checkbook. Hope you don't mind I pay you in change. - Napoleon: Six dollars. That's, like, a dollar an hour. [Phone Rings] Napoleon: Hello? Trisha: Hi. Is Napoleon there? Napoleon: Yes. Trisha: Can I talk to him? Napoleon: You already are. Trisha: Oh. Napoleon, this is Trisha. I'm just calling to tell you that...I can go to the dance with you. And also, I wanted to thank you for the beautiful drawing you did of me. It's hanging in my bedroom. Napoleon: Really? Took me, like, three hours to finish the shading on your upper lip. It's probably the best drawing I've ever done. Trisha: Yeah, it's really...nice. Napoleon: Yeah, well, I'll probably pick you up at 6:00 for the dance. Is that okay? Trisha: That's fine. Napoleon: K, bye. Trisha: Bye. [Groans] Pedro: Who was that? Napoleon: Trisha. Pedro: Who's she? Napoleon: My woman I'm takin' to the dance. Pedro: Do you draw her a picture? Napoleon: Heck, yes, I did! Pedro: Well, what are you going to wear to the dance? Napoleon: Just, like, a silk shirt or something. What are you gonna wear? Pedro: Deb has something for me. But you should probably get s suit. - Napoleon: Pedro, how do you feel about that one? Pedro: It looks nice. Napoleon: Yeah. It looks pretty sweet. It looks awesome. That suit, it's--it's incredible. - Napoleon: I need you to give me a ride in an hour. Rico: [Sighs] Where to? Napoleon: The dance. Rico: You takin' my client's daughter? Napoleon: Yes. We need to pick her up too. Rico: Well, Uncle Rico's got a sale to finalize in Bonita in five minutes. Napoleon: Well, can you just take me and then drop me off when you're done or whatever? Rico: [Exhales] - Rico: Well, I'll be back in a minute. Don't disturb me while I'm in there. Napoleon: Well, hurry up, 'cause I gotta get Trisha. Rico: Hi. I got your 24-piece set right here. - Napoleon: So you guys are, like, Pedro's cousins with all the sweet hookups? Pedro's Cousin #1: Si, bon. Napoleon: Is Trisha here? Trisha's Dad: Who's that in my driveway? Napoleon: That's my ride. - Napoleon: Do you wanna go over by my friend Pedro and dance really quick? - Pedro: Napoleon, when did you get here? Napoleon: Just a couple minutres ago. Have you guys seen Trisha anywhere? Deb: No. Napoleon: Oh. She probably just went to the bathroom. Are you guys having a killer time? Deb: Yes. Pedro: If you can't find Trisha, I'll let you dance with Deb for a few songs. - Napoleon: I like your sleeves. They're real big. Deb: Thank you. I made them myself. Napoleon: So you and Pedro are getting really serious now? Deb: No. We're just friends. Napoleon: Huh. How are your glamour shots been going lately? Deb: Pretty good. I could do a personal portrait sometime...if you wanted to come over. Napoleon: Okay. - Pedro: Do you think people will vote for me? Napoleon: Heck, yes. I'd vote for you. Pedro: Like, what are my skills? Napoleon: Well, you have a sweet bike...and you're really good at hookin' up with chicks. Plus you're, like, the only guy at school who has a mustache. Pedro: That's true. Napoleon: If you need to use any of my skills, I can do whatever you want. Pedro: Thanks. If I win, you can be my secretary or something. Napoleon: Sweet! Plus I could be your bodyguard too. Or, like, Secret Service captain or...whatever. Pedro: Okay. - Napoleon: Is that yours? Kip: Don't touch it. It's Uncle Rico's. Napoleon: What's it for? Kip: It's a time machine, Napoleon. He bought it online. Napoleon: Yeah, right. Kip: It works, Napoleon. You don't even know. Napoleon: Have you guys tried it yet? Kip: No. - Kip: So, are you ready? Napoleon: Yeah. Hold on. I forgot to put in the crystals. Kay, turn it on.
Posted By: Napolean Posted On: Sep 9, 2005 Views: 593	RE: Blame Yourself [Napoleon Sighs] Random Kid: What are you gonna do today Napoleon? Napoleon: Whatever I feel like I want to do. Gosh- Teacher: Your current event Napoleon. Audio Napoleon: Last week, Japanese scientists explaced- placed explosive detonators at the bottom of Lake Loch Ness to blow Nessie out of the water. Sir Curt Godfrey of the Nessie Alliance summoned the help of Scotland's local wizards to cast a protective spell over the lake and it's local residents and all those who seek for the peaceful existence of our underwater ally. Don: Hey, Napoleon, what'd you do all last summer again? Napoleon: I told you. I spent it with my uncle in Alaska hunting wolverines. Don: Did you shoot any? Napoleon: Yes, like 50 of 'em. They kept tryin' to attack my cousins. What the heck would you do in a situation like that? Don: What kind of gun did you use? Napoleon: A frickin' 12-gauge. What do you think? Randy: You think you're funny? Just watch you step. Napoleon: But I didn't--[Indistinct] Napoleon: Hey, could I use your guys's phone for a sec? Receptionist: Is there anything wrong? Napoleon: I don't feel very good. Kip: Hi Napoleon: Is Grandma There? Kip: No, she's getting her hair done. Napoleon: [Sighs] Kip: What do you need? Napoleon: Can you just go get her for me? Kip: I'm really busy right now. Napoleon: Well, just tell her to come get me. Kip: Why? Napoleon: 'Cause I don't feel good. Kip: Well, have you talked to the school nurse? Napoleon: No, she doesn't know anything. Will you just come get me? Kip: No. Napoleon: Well, will you do me a favor then? Kip: What? Napoleon: Can you bring me my ChapStick? Kip: No, Napoleon Napoleon: But my lips hurt real bad. Kip: Just borrow some from the school nurse. I know she has, like, five sticks in her drawer. Napoleon: I'm not gonna use hers, you sicko. Kip: See ya. [Dial Tone] Napoleon: [Groans] Idiot! Woman on P.A.: David Dempke, please come to the office. David Dempke. Principal: You do understand English? This isn't that complex. Look, the cafeteria's down the hall to the right and downstairs. Napoleon: Hey, is that a new kid or something? Principal: Napoleon, this is Pedro. Would you mind showing him where his locker is? Napoleon: Sure. Come on. Napoleon: You know, there's, like, a buttload of gangs at this school. This one gang kept wanting me to join 'cause I'm pretty good with a bo staff. Do you ride the bus to school? Pedro: No. I ride by bike. Napoleon: What kind of bike do you have? Pedro: It's a Sledgehammer. Napoleon: Dang! You got shocks, pegs. Lucky! You ever take it off any sweet jumps? Napoleon: You got, like, three feet of air that time. Can I try it really quick? [Groans] Dang it! Kip: I love the way... your sandy hair... floats in the air. To me it's like a lullaby. I'm just flying by, oh, so high... like a kite tied to a stake. Grandma: How was school? Napoleon: The worst day of my life. What do you think? Grandma: Well, I want you to go see if Tina wants some of this. Napoleon: [Sighs] Kip hasn't done flipping anything today. Grandma: Look, tonight me and your-- Kip, listen! Kip: What? Grandma: Tonight me and your aunt are gonna go visit some friends and we're not gonna be back till tomorrow. We're gettin' a little low on steak, so I got Lyle comin' over tomorrow to take care of it. Napoleon: Well, what's there to eat? Grandma: Knock it off, Napoleon. Make yourself a dang quesadilla! Napoleon: Fine! Grandma: I'll be back tomorrow. Napoleon: Stay home and eat all the freakin' chips, Kip! Kip: Napoleon, don't be jealous that I've been chatting online with babes, all day. Besides, we both know I'm training to become a cage fighter. Napoleon: Since when, Kip? You have the worst reflexes of all time. Kip: Try and hit me, Napoleon. Napoleon: What? Kip: I said come down here and see what happens if you try and hit me. Napoleon: Such an idiot! Kip: Let me see what your best move is. Napoleon: [Sighs] [Doorbell Rings] Napoleon: I'll go get it. [Napoleon slaps Kip] Kip: Geez! Deb: Um, hello. Would you like to look like this? Napoleon: This is a girl. Deb: Because for a limited time only glamour shots by Deb are 75% off. Napoleon: I already get my hair cut at the Cuttin' Corral. Deb: Well, maybe you'd be interested in some home-woven handicrafts. Rex: I'm Rex, founder of the Rex Kwon Do Self-Defense System. After one week with me in my dojo, you'll be prepared to defend yourself with the strength of a grizzly... the reflexes of a puma... and the wisdom of a man. So come down today for your free trial lesson! Deb: In here we have some boondoggle key chains. A must-have for this season's fashion. Napoleon: I already made, like, a finity of those at Scout camp. a finity - infinity Deb: Well, is anyone else here? I'm trying to earn money for college. Kip: Your mom goes to college. Napoleon: Tina, you fat lard. Come get some dinner. Napoleon: Tina, eat. Eat the food. Napoleon: Eat the food! Kip: It'd be nice if you could pull me into town. Rex: My name is Rex, and if you study with my eight-week program you will learn a system of self defense that I developed over two seasons of fighting in the Octagon. It's called Rex Kwon Do! I need a volunteer. [Kip raises hand] Rex: Okay, you'll do. Come up here. Bow to your sensei. Bow to your sensei! Okay. Now I'm gonna give you one chance. One chance, people. Give me your best shot. All right. That was pretty good. Okay. Now, watch this everybody. Grab my arm. The other arm. My other arm. Okay, now watch this. I'm just gonna break the wrist and walk away. Break the wrist, walk away. [Rex hits Kip in the wrist] Kip: Geez! Rex: Okay. It's just that simple. Now, I want you to kick me. Come on. Kick me. Okay, do it again. Do it again. Kip: Ouch. Rex: Okay. You'll block it every time. Have a seat. Now, in addition to what you just saw if you study with my eight-week program, you're gonna learn these things. First off... Rex Kwin Do, we use the buddy system. No more flyin' solo. You need somebody watching your back at all times! Second off, you're gonna learn to discipline your image. Do you think I got where I am today because I dress like Peter Pan here? Take a look at what I'm wearing, people. Do you think anybody wants a roundhouse kick to the face while I'm wearin' these bad boys? Forget about it. Last off, my students will learn about self-respect. Do you think anybody thinks I'm a failure because I go home to Starla at night? Forget about it! Now, for only $300, you can sign up right now for my eight-week program. Kip: Well, that place was a rip-off. Napoleon: Hey, Lyle. Lyle: Nothin' on here works smooth. Napoleon: So me and you are pretty much friends by now, right? Pedro: Yes. Napoleon: So, you got my back and everything? Pedro: What? Napoleon: Never mind. Have you heard about the dance? Pedro: Yes. Napoleon: Have you met anyone to ask yet? Pedro: No. But I probably will after school. Napoleon: Who you gonna ask? Pedro: That girl over there. Napoleon: Summer Wheatly? How the heck are you gonna do that? Pedro: Build her a cake or something. Napoleon: Yeah, my old girlfriend from Oklahoma was gonna fly out here for the dance but she couldn't 'cause she's doing some modeling right now. Pedro: Is she hot? Napoleon: See for yourself. Pedro: Wow. Napoleon: Yeah, I took her to the mall to get some glamour shots for her birthday one year. Pedro: I like her bangs. Napoleon: Me too. Napoleon: How long did it take you to grow that mustache? Pedro: A couple of days. Napoleon: I wish I could grow one. Are you gonna eat your Tots? Pedro: No. Napoleon: Can I have 'em? Napoleon: You see that girl over there? She came over to my house the other day. Pedro: Why? Napoleon: Idon't know, but she left all this crap on my porch. Pedro: She's pretty good-looking. Napoleon: Do you dare me to go talk to her? Pedro: Sure. Napoleon: I see you're drinking one-percent. Is that 'cause you think you're fat? 'Cause you're not. You could be drinking whole if you wanted to. Well, I have all your equipment in my locker. You should probably come get it 'cause I can't fit my numchucks in there anymore. Deb: Where's your locker? Napoleon: Hey, can I have one of your key chains? Rico: Hello? Randy: Napoleon, give me some of your Tots. Napoleon: No, go find your own. Randy: Come on. Give me some of your Tots. Napoleon: No. I'm freakin' starved. I didn't get to eat anything today. Napoleon: G-- Gross. Freakin' idiot! [Napoleon Sighs] Napoleon: Tina, come get some ham. Napoleon: What are you doing here, Uncle Rico? Rico: Your grandma took a little spill at the sand dunes today, broke her coccyx. Napoleon: What? Since when does she go to the dunes? Rico: Looks like there's a lot you don't know about her. Kip: So, when's Grandma coming back? Rico: I don't know. Not sure. Napoleon: You don't have to stay here with us. We're not babies. Rico: [Laughs] Talk to your Auntie Caroline. Napoleon: Well, Kip is, like, 32 years old. Kip: I don't mind if you stay. Rico: Oh. Thanks, Kip. Napoleon: What the flip was Grandma doin' at the sand dunes? Rico: She was on a date...with her boyfriend. Napoleon: Boyfriend? Rico: Hey, you guys want to see my video? Rico: [Chuckles] So, what do you think? Kip: It's pretty cool, I guess. Rico: Oh. Man, I wish I could go back in time. I'd take state. Napoleon: This is pretty much the worst video ever made. Kip: Napoleon, like anyone can even know that. Rico: You know what, Napoleon? You can leave. Napoleon: You guys are retarded. Rico Hah! Hey, check that out. Kip: So, you and Tammy still together? Rico: No. Not really. Kip: Why is that? Rico: Well...she's jealous. Says I'm livin' too much in '82. Kip: Really? Rico: Well, I dumped her. What about your girlfriend? Kip: Well, things are gettin' pretty serious right now. I mean, we chat online for, like, two hours every day... so I guess you could say things are gettin' pretty serious. I'm just really tryin' to raise a few bucks right now so I can bring her around for a few days. Rico: Yep. Well, what's she look like? Kip: She's uh-- she's got sandy blonde hair. She's, uh, pretty-look-- pretty good-looking face, but... I'm just gettin' really-- just kinda T.O.'d because, I mean, she hasn't even sent me a full body shot yet. Rico: Hey, you know... I got a little project... that we might be able to make a little moola with. Kip: Really? That sounds pretty good. Rico: Have you ever heard of nylon polymer? Napoleon: Go for it. Rico: Back in '82, I used to be able to throw a pigskin a quarter mile. Kip: Are you serious? Rico: I'm dead serious. Watch this. [Napoleon Groans] Napoleon: What the heck are you doing? Kip: That's what I'm talkin' about. Pedro: I better go. Rico: How much you want to make a bet I can throw a football over them mountains? Yeah. If coach would've put me in fourth quarter... we'd have been state champions, no doubt. No doubt in my mind. You better believe things would have been different. I'd have gone pro...in a heartbeat. I'd be makin' millions of dollars and... livin' in a... big ol' mansion somewhere. You know, soakin' it up in a hot tub with my soul mate. Kip, I reckon you know a lot about cyberspace. Y-You ever come across anything like time travel? Kip: Easy. I've already looked into it for myself. Rico: Right on. Right on. Summer: Is Pedro here today? Napoleon: I don't think so. Why? Summer: Just wondering. Can you, uh, give this to him for me? Napoleon: Okay. Hey, Summer, you want to play me? Summer: Mm-mmm. Napoleon: Ow. God. Deb: What are you drawing? Napoleon: A liger. Deb: What's a liger? Napoleon: It's pretty much my favorite animal. It's like a lion and a tiger mixed. Bred for its skills in magic. Deb: Hmm. [Sighs] Where's your friend? Napoleon: I don't know. Did you see him today? Deb: No. Napoleon: Neither did I. Deb: Do you need a ride? Napoleon: No. I missed the bus today, but my uncle's coming to get me. Deb: Oh. [Horn Honks] Napoleon: See ya. -Rico: Right. I-- I think just a little bit east of the cementery is a good little area right here. We should do it there. Don't go down here, 'cause they don't have any money. Kip: So, how long are we talkin' about workin'? Rico: What are you-- You're already losing your steam? Kip: No. I just-- I have a chat room meeting at four. I gotta be back here by then. Rico: All right, you just start a little earlier. That's all. Kip: All right. Rico: Or else work afterwards. How long's the chat room? Kip: Geez, sometimes up to three, four hours maybe. Maybe not. I don't know. Rico: You-- You pay the bills for that? Does that cost money every time you're on, like for minutes on the phone? Kip: Yeah. Grandma's still payin' per minute. She gets kind of ****ed at me sometimes 'cause I'm on there so long. Rico: I'll bet she does. I'll tell you somethin', i'd be throwin' you out the window. Woman: Bueno. Napoleon: Hello? Woman: Who's this? Napoleon: Napoleon Dynamite. Woman: Who? Napoleon: Napoleon Dynamite. I'm one of Pedro's best friends. Woman: Your name is Napoleon? Napoleon: Yes. Is Pedro there? Woman: No, he's not here right now. Napoleon: Okay, bye. Rico See, Crystal Street. That's for you. I'm goin' to Adams Park. They got some money in Adams Park. Napoleon What? Rico Let's go, Kipper. I think we should take this someplace a little more private. Kip That's a good idea. Kip Please. Please. Be good to me. Please, keep going. Dead on. Dead on. Yes! Rico Before we get started on our new project, I have a few concerns. First off, I'm concerned about your transportation situation. I mean, do you--you got a car you can borrow from someone? Kip Well, that's the problem right now. At the moment, nothing comes to mind. Rico You can borrow my van for the time being. I-- I do better on foot anyway. We also need some way to make us look official, like we got all the answers. Kip How about some gold bracelets? Rico We need, like, some name tags with our picture on it, all laminated and whatnot. I mean, we gotta look legit, man. Kip That's true. That's true. Rico Say, you know of a-- a place we can get our picture taken, like, a-- a photo store? Deb Okay. Turn your head on more of a slant. Now, make a fist and slowly ease it up underneath your chin. This is looking really good. Kip You can say that again. Deb Okay, hold still right there. Now, just image you're weightless. You're in the middle of the ocean... surrounded by tiny little sea horses. [Shutter Clicks] Deb That was the one. I think that's gonna come out really nice. Rico [Chuckles] Uh, you did it? Wow. Wow, that felt really relaxed. Thanks, Deb. [Chuckles] You're up, Kip. Kip Is there some kind of vest that I can wear? - Napoleon Where have you been? Pedro I got sick. Napoleon Has Summer said anything to you yet? Pedro No, not yet. Napoleon Well, she said no. Pedro She did? Well, what about that other girl? Napoleon What other girl? Pedro The one that left all that crap on your porch. Napoleon You mean Deb? Pedro Yes, her. Napoleon What about her? Pedro Well, I asked her out too. Napoleon What? - Napoleon Well, nobody's gonna go out with me. Pedro Have you asked anybody yet? Napoleon No, but who would? I don't even have any good skills. Pedro What do you mean? Napoleon You know, like numchuck skills, bow hunting skills, computer hacking skills. Girls only want boyfriends who have great skills. Pedro Aren't you pretty good at drawing, like, animals and warriors and stuff? Napoleon Yes. Probably the best that I know of. Pedro Just draw a picture of the girl you want to take out, and give it to her for, like, a gift or something. Napoleon That's a pretty good idea. - Rico Now, if you invest in the 24-piece set I'm gonna throw in a little gift. Man So, what's the gift? Rico I bet you folks don't have one of these. Woman I want that. Rico You see, this ain't your run-of-the-mill "crapper-ware." These are some serious "NuPont" fiber-woven bowls. Man So, if we purchase the 24-piece set... the mini sailboat is included? Rico That's correct, sir. Lance, you look like a strong young pup. Why don't you see if you can give that a nice tear. Don't hurt yourself now. Man I can't do it. Can't. Rico So, uh... how does the "dealio" sound to you? - Kip Dang it. - Napoleon Is Trisha here? Trisha's Mom Oh, I'm sorry, she's not. She's at a friend's house right now. Rico Well, hey, Napoleon. Napoleon's my nephew. Trisha's Mom Oh, that's nice. Napoleon Could you just give this to her for me? Trisha's Mom I certainly could. Napoleon Thanks. Trisha's Mom Bye-bye. Rico Poor kid. I've been takin' care of him while his grandma's in the hospital. He still wets the bed and everything. Trisha's Mom You're kidding. Rico Yeah, he's a tender little guy. He still gets beat up and whatnot. Anyway, uh... so we still feelin' pretty good about this, uh, 32-piece set here? - Kip: Ow! Napoleon: What the crap was Uncle Rico doin' over at my girlfriend's house? Kip: Napoleon, let go of me! I think you're bruisin' my neck meat! Napoleon: Fine. What the heck are you guys doin'? Tryin' to ruin my life and make me look like a friggin' idiot? Kip: I'm out makin' some sweet moola with Uncle Rico. Geez, I think you ripped my mole off. Napoleon: I did? Kip: Yeah, is it bleeding? [Door Opens] Napoleon: A little bit. Rico: Hey, Kip. I wish you wouldn't look at me like that, Napoleon. Napoleon: I wish you'd get out of my life and shut up. Rico: I'm gonna tell you somethin' right now. While you're out there playin' patty-cake with your friend Pedro, your Uncle Rico... is makin' 120 bucks. Napoleon: I could make that much money in five seconds. Kip: Geez. Yeah, right, Napoleon. I made, like, 75 bucks today. Rico: Napoleon, it looks like you don't have a job. So why don't you get out there and feed Tina. Napoleon: Why don't you go eat a "decroded" piece of crap. - Napoleon Dynamite's Voice Reading Letter: There's a lot more where this came from if you go to the dance with me. Yours truly, Napoleon Dynamite. Trisha's Mother: You know you're gonna go to that dance with that boy. Trisha: [Groans] - Farmer: By noon I need them 8,000 hens moved into their new cages. Sometimes they don't want to cooperate. But you give 'em a good shakin', they'll settle down for ya. Napoleon: Do the chickens have large talons? Farmer: Do they have what? Napoleon: Large talons. Farmer: I don't understand a word you just said. Okay, you meet me back here about noon, and, uh we'll have a little lunch waitin' for ya. - [Chickens Clucking] Napoleon: Ew! - Farmer: [Slurps] Well, dig in. Lyle: Over there, in that pig pen, I found a couple of Shoshoni arrowheads. Napoleon: [Gags] Farmer: [Refreshing Sigh] Can't find my checkbook. Hope you don't mind I pay you in change. - Napoleon: Six dollars. That's, like, a dollar an hour. [Phone Rings] Napoleon: Hello? Trisha: Hi. Is Napoleon there? Napoleon: Yes. Trisha: Can I talk to him? Napoleon: You already are. Trisha: Oh. Napoleon, this is Trisha. I'm just calling to tell you that...I can go to the dance with you. And also, I wanted to thank you for the beautiful drawing you did of me. It's hanging in my bedroom. Napoleon: Really? Took me, like, three hours to finish the shading on your upper lip. It's probably the best drawing I've ever done. Trisha: Yeah, it's really...nice. Napoleon: Yeah, well, I'll probably pick you up at 6:00 for the dance. Is that okay? Trisha: That's fine. Napoleon: K, bye. Trisha: Bye. [Groans] Pedro: Who was that? Napoleon: Trisha. Pedro: Who's she? Napoleon: My woman I'm takin' to the dance. Pedro: Do you draw her a picture? Napoleon: Heck, yes, I did! Pedro: Well, what are you going to wear to the dance? Napoleon: Just, like, a silk shirt or something. What are you gonna wear? Pedro: Deb has something for me. But you should probably get s suit. - Napoleon: Pedro, how do you feel about that one? Pedro: It looks nice. Napoleon: Yeah. It looks pretty sweet. It looks awesome. That suit, it's--it's incredible. - Napoleon: I need you to give me a ride in an hour. Rico: [Sighs] Where to? Napoleon: The dance. Rico: You takin' my client's daughter? Napoleon: Yes. We need to pick her up too. Rico: Well, Uncle Rico's got a sale to finalize in Bonita in five minutes. Napoleon: Well, can you just take me and then drop me off when you're done or whatever? Rico: [Exhales] - Rico: Well, I'll be back in a minute. Don't disturb me while I'm in there. Napoleon: Well, hurry up, 'cause I gotta get Trisha. Rico: Hi. I got your 24-piece set right here. - Napoleon: So you guys are, like, Pedro's cousins with all the sweet hookups? Pedro's Cousin #1: Si, bon. Napoleon: Is Trisha here? Trisha's Dad: Who's that in my driveway? Napoleon: That's my ride. - Napoleon: Do you wanna go over by my friend Pedro and dance really quick? - Pedro: Napoleon, when did you get here? Napoleon: Just a couple minutres ago. Have you guys seen Trisha anywhere? Deb: No. Napoleon: Oh. She probably just went to the bathroom. Are you guys having a killer time? Deb: Yes. Pedro: If you can't find Trisha, I'll let you dance with Deb for a few songs. - Napoleon: I like your sleeves. They're real big. Deb: Thank you. I made them myself. Napoleon: So you and Pedro are getting really serious now? Deb: No. We're just friends. Napoleon: Huh. How are your glamour shots been going lately? Deb: Pretty good. I could do a personal portrait sometime...if you wanted to come over. Napoleon: Okay. - Pedro: Do you think people will vote for me? Napoleon: Heck, yes. I'd vote for you. Pedro: Like, what are my skills? Napoleon: Well, you have a sweet bike...and you're really good at hookin' up with chicks. Plus you're, like, the only guy at school who has a mustache. Pedro: That's true. Napoleon: If you need to use any of my skills, I can do whatever you want. Pedro: Thanks. If I win, you can be my secretary or something. Napoleon: Sweet! Plus I could be your bodyguard too. Or, like, Secret Service captain or...whatever. Pedro: Okay. - Napoleon: Is that yours? Kip: Don't touch it. It's Uncle Rico's. Napoleon: What's it for? Kip: It's a time machine, Napoleon. He bought it online. Napoleon: Yeah, right. Kip: It works, Napoleon. You don't even know. Napoleon: Have you guys tried it yet? Kip: No. - Kip: So, are you ready? Napoleon: Yeah. Hold on. I forgot to put in the crystals. Kay, turn it on.
Posted By: Napolean Posted On: Sep 9, 2005 Views: 591	RE: Blame Yourself [Napoleon Sighs] Random Kid: What are you gonna do today Napoleon? Napoleon: Whatever I feel like I want to do. Gosh- Teacher: Your current event Napoleon. Audio Napoleon: Last week, Japanese scientists explaced- placed explosive detonators at the bottom of Lake Loch Ness to blow Nessie out of the water. Sir Curt Godfrey of the Nessie Alliance summoned the help of Scotland's local wizards to cast a protective spell over the lake and it's local residents and all those who seek for the peaceful existence of our underwater ally. Don: Hey, Napoleon, what'd you do all last summer again? Napoleon: I told you. I spent it with my uncle in Alaska hunting wolverines. Don: Did you shoot any? Napoleon: Yes, like 50 of 'em. They kept tryin' to attack my cousins. What the heck would you do in a situation like that? Don: What kind of gun did you use? Napoleon: A frickin' 12-gauge. What do you think? Randy: You think you're funny? Just watch you step. Napoleon: But I didn't--[Indistinct] Napoleon: Hey, could I use your guys's phone for a sec? Receptionist: Is there anything wrong? Napoleon: I don't feel very good. Kip: Hi Napoleon: Is Grandma There? Kip: No, she's getting her hair done. Napoleon: [Sighs] Kip: What do you need? Napoleon: Can you just go get her for me? Kip: I'm really busy right now. Napoleon: Well, just tell her to come get me. Kip: Why? Napoleon: 'Cause I don't feel good. Kip: Well, have you talked to the school nurse? Napoleon: No, she doesn't know anything. Will you just come get me? Kip: No. Napoleon: Well, will you do me a favor then? Kip: What? Napoleon: Can you bring me my ChapStick? Kip: No, Napoleon Napoleon: But my lips hurt real bad. Kip: Just borrow some from the school nurse. I know she has, like, five sticks in her drawer. Napoleon: I'm not gonna use hers, you sicko. Kip: See ya. [Dial Tone] Napoleon: [Groans] Idiot! Woman on P.A.: David Dempke, please come to the office. David Dempke. Principal: You do understand English? This isn't that complex. Look, the cafeteria's down the hall to the right and downstairs. Napoleon: Hey, is that a new kid or something? Principal: Napoleon, this is Pedro. Would you mind showing him where his locker is? Napoleon: Sure. Come on. Napoleon: You know, there's, like, a buttload of gangs at this school. This one gang kept wanting me to join 'cause I'm pretty good with a bo staff. Do you ride the bus to school? Pedro: No. I ride by bike. Napoleon: What kind of bike do you have? Pedro: It's a Sledgehammer. Napoleon: Dang! You got shocks, pegs. Lucky! You ever take it off any sweet jumps? Napoleon: You got, like, three feet of air that time. Can I try it really quick? [Groans] Dang it! Kip: I love the way... your sandy hair... floats in the air. To me it's like a lullaby. I'm just flying by, oh, so high... like a kite tied to a stake. Grandma: How was school? Napoleon: The worst day of my life. What do you think? Grandma: Well, I want you to go see if Tina wants some of this. Napoleon: [Sighs] Kip hasn't done flipping anything today. Grandma: Look, tonight me and your-- Kip, listen! Kip: What? Grandma: Tonight me and your aunt are gonna go visit some friends and we're not gonna be back till tomorrow. We're gettin' a little low on steak, so I got Lyle comin' over tomorrow to take care of it. Napoleon: Well, what's there to eat? Grandma: Knock it off, Napoleon. Make yourself a dang quesadilla! Napoleon: Fine! Grandma: I'll be back tomorrow. Napoleon: Stay home and eat all the freakin' chips, Kip! Kip: Napoleon, don't be jealous that I've been chatting online with babes, all day. Besides, we both know I'm training to become a cage fighter. Napoleon: Since when, Kip? You have the worst reflexes of all time. Kip: Try and hit me, Napoleon. Napoleon: What? Kip: I said come down here and see what happens if you try and hit me. Napoleon: Such an idiot! Kip: Let me see what your best move is. Napoleon: [Sighs] [Doorbell Rings] Napoleon: I'll go get it. [Napoleon slaps Kip] Kip: Geez! Deb: Um, hello. Would you like to look like this? Napoleon: This is a girl. Deb: Because for a limited time only glamour shots by Deb are 75% off. Napoleon: I already get my hair cut at the Cuttin' Corral. Deb: Well, maybe you'd be interested in some home-woven handicrafts. Rex: I'm Rex, founder of the Rex Kwon Do Self-Defense System. After one week with me in my dojo, you'll be prepared to defend yourself with the strength of a grizzly... the reflexes of a puma... and the wisdom of a man. So come down today for your free trial lesson! Deb: In here we have some boondoggle key chains. A must-have for this season's fashion. Napoleon: I already made, like, a finity of those at Scout camp. a finity - infinity Deb: Well, is anyone else here? I'm trying to earn money for college. Kip: Your mom goes to college. Napoleon: Tina, you fat lard. Come get some dinner. Napoleon: Tina, eat. Eat the food. Napoleon: Eat the food! Kip: It'd be nice if you could pull me into town. Rex: My name is Rex, and if you study with my eight-week program you will learn a system of self defense that I developed over two seasons of fighting in the Octagon. It's called Rex Kwon Do! I need a volunteer. [Kip raises hand] Rex: Okay, you'll do. Come up here. Bow to your sensei. Bow to your sensei! Okay. Now I'm gonna give you one chance. One chance, people. Give me your best shot. All right. That was pretty good. Okay. Now, watch this everybody. Grab my arm. The other arm. My other arm. Okay, now watch this. I'm just gonna break the wrist and walk away. Break the wrist, walk away. [Rex hits Kip in the wrist] Kip: Geez! Rex: Okay. It's just that simple. Now, I want you to kick me. Come on. Kick me. Okay, do it again. Do it again. Kip: Ouch. Rex: Okay. You'll block it every time. Have a seat. Now, in addition to what you just saw if you study with my eight-week program, you're gonna learn these things. First off... Rex Kwin Do, we use the buddy system. No more flyin' solo. You need somebody watching your back at all times! Second off, you're gonna learn to discipline your image. Do you think I got where I am today because I dress like Peter Pan here? Take a look at what I'm wearing, people. Do you think anybody wants a roundhouse kick to the face while I'm wearin' these bad boys? Forget about it. Last off, my students will learn about self-respect. Do you think anybody thinks I'm a failure because I go home to Starla at night? Forget about it! Now, for only $300, you can sign up right now for my eight-week program. Kip: Well, that place was a rip-off. Napoleon: Hey, Lyle. Lyle: Nothin' on here works smooth. Napoleon: So me and you are pretty much friends by now, right? Pedro: Yes. Napoleon: So, you got my back and everything? Pedro: What? Napoleon: Never mind. Have you heard about the dance? Pedro: Yes. Napoleon: Have you met anyone to ask yet? Pedro: No. But I probably will after school. Napoleon: Who you gonna ask? Pedro: That girl over there. Napoleon: Summer Wheatly? How the heck are you gonna do that? Pedro: Build her a cake or something. Napoleon: Yeah, my old girlfriend from Oklahoma was gonna fly out here for the dance but she couldn't 'cause she's doing some modeling right now. Pedro: Is she hot? Napoleon: See for yourself. Pedro: Wow. Napoleon: Yeah, I took her to the mall to get some glamour shots for her birthday one year. Pedro: I like her bangs. Napoleon: Me too. Napoleon: How long did it take you to grow that mustache? Pedro: A couple of days. Napoleon: I wish I could grow one. Are you gonna eat your Tots? Pedro: No. Napoleon: Can I have 'em? Napoleon: You see that girl over there? She came over to my house the other day. Pedro: Why? Napoleon: Idon't know, but she left all this crap on my porch. Pedro: She's pretty good-looking. Napoleon: Do you dare me to go talk to her? Pedro: Sure. Napoleon: I see you're drinking one-percent. Is that 'cause you think you're fat? 'Cause you're not. You could be drinking whole if you wanted to. Well, I have all your equipment in my locker. You should probably come get it 'cause I can't fit my numchucks in there anymore. Deb: Where's your locker? Napoleon: Hey, can I have one of your key chains? Rico: Hello? Randy: Napoleon, give me some of your Tots. Napoleon: No, go find your own. Randy: Come on. Give me some of your Tots. Napoleon: No. I'm freakin' starved. I didn't get to eat anything today. Napoleon: G-- Gross. Freakin' idiot! [Napoleon Sighs] Napoleon: Tina, come get some ham. Napoleon: What are you doing here, Uncle Rico? Rico: Your grandma took a little spill at the sand dunes today, broke her coccyx. Napoleon: What? Since when does she go to the dunes? Rico: Looks like there's a lot you don't know about her. Kip: So, when's Grandma coming back? Rico: I don't know. Not sure. Napoleon: You don't have to stay here with us. We're not babies. Rico: [Laughs] Talk to your Auntie Caroline. Napoleon: Well, Kip is, like, 32 years old. Kip: I don't mind if you stay. Rico: Oh. Thanks, Kip. Napoleon: What the flip was Grandma doin' at the sand dunes? Rico: She was on a date...with her boyfriend. Napoleon: Boyfriend? Rico: Hey, you guys want to see my video? Rico: [Chuckles] So, what do you think? Kip: It's pretty cool, I guess. Rico: Oh. Man, I wish I could go back in time. I'd take state. Napoleon: This is pretty much the worst video ever made. Kip: Napoleon, like anyone can even know that. Rico: You know what, Napoleon? You can leave. Napoleon: You guys are retarded. Rico Hah! Hey, check that out. Kip: So, you and Tammy still together? Rico: No. Not really. Kip: Why is that? Rico: Well...she's jealous. Says I'm livin' too much in '82. Kip: Really? Rico: Well, I dumped her. What about your girlfriend? Kip: Well, things are gettin' pretty serious right now. I mean, we chat online for, like, two hours every day... so I guess you could say things are gettin' pretty serious. I'm just really tryin' to raise a few bucks right now so I can bring her around for a few days. Rico: Yep. Well, what's she look like? Kip: She's uh-- she's got sandy blonde hair. She's, uh, pretty-look-- pretty good-looking face, but... I'm just gettin' really-- just kinda T.O.'d because, I mean, she hasn't even sent me a full body shot yet. Rico: Hey, you know... I got a little project... that we might be able to make a little moola with. Kip: Really? That sounds pretty good. Rico: Have you ever heard of nylon polymer? Napoleon: Go for it. Rico: Back in '82, I used to be able to throw a pigskin a quarter mile. Kip: Are you serious? Rico: I'm dead serious. Watch this. [Napoleon Groans] Napoleon: What the heck are you doing? Kip: That's what I'm talkin' about. Pedro: I better go. Rico: How much you want to make a bet I can throw a football over them mountains? Yeah. If coach would've put me in fourth quarter... we'd have been state champions, no doubt. No doubt in my mind. You better believe things would have been different. I'd have gone pro...in a heartbeat. I'd be makin' millions of dollars and... livin' in a... big ol' mansion somewhere. You know, soakin' it up in a hot tub with my soul mate. Kip, I reckon you know a lot about cyberspace. Y-You ever come across anything like time travel? Kip: Easy. I've already looked into it for myself. Rico: Right on. Right on. Summer: Is Pedro here today? Napoleon: I don't think so. Why? Summer: Just wondering. Can you, uh, give this to him for me? Napoleon: Okay. Hey, Summer, you want to play me? Summer: Mm-mmm. Napoleon: Ow. God. Deb: What are you drawing? Napoleon: A liger. Deb: What's a liger? Napoleon: It's pretty much my favorite animal. It's like a lion and a tiger mixed. Bred for its skills in magic. Deb: Hmm. [Sighs] Where's your friend? Napoleon: I don't know. Did you see him today? Deb: No. Napoleon: Neither did I. Deb: Do you need a ride? Napoleon: No. I missed the bus today, but my uncle's coming to get me. Deb: Oh. [Horn Honks] Napoleon: See ya. -Rico: Right. I-- I think just a little bit east of the cementery is a good little area right here. We should do it there. Don't go down here, 'cause they don't have any money. Kip: So, how long are we talkin' about workin'? Rico: What are you-- You're already losing your steam? Kip: No. I just-- I have a chat room meeting at four. I gotta be back here by then. Rico: All right, you just start a little earlier. That's all. Kip: All right. Rico: Or else work afterwards. How long's the chat room? Kip: Geez, sometimes up to three, four hours maybe. Maybe not. I don't know. Rico: You-- You pay the bills for that? Does that cost money every time you're on, like for minutes on the phone? Kip: Yeah. Grandma's still payin' per minute. She gets kind of ****ed at me sometimes 'cause I'm on there so long. Rico: I'll bet she does. I'll tell you somethin', i'd be throwin' you out the window. Woman: Bueno. Napoleon: Hello? Woman: Who's this? Napoleon: Napoleon Dynamite. Woman: Who? Napoleon: Napoleon Dynamite. I'm one of Pedro's best friends. Woman: Your name is Napoleon? Napoleon: Yes. Is Pedro there? Woman: No, he's not here right now. Napoleon: Okay, bye. Rico See, Crystal Street. That's for you. I'm goin' to Adams Park. They got some money in Adams Park. Napoleon What? Rico Let's go, Kipper. I think we should take this someplace a little more private. Kip That's a good idea. Kip Please. Please. Be good to me. Please, keep going. Dead on. Dead on. Yes! Rico Before we get started on our new project, I have a few concerns. First off, I'm concerned about your transportation situation. I mean, do you--you got a car you can borrow from someone? Kip Well, that's the problem right now. At the moment, nothing comes to mind. Rico You can borrow my van for the time being. I-- I do better on foot anyway. We also need some way to make us look official, like we got all the answers. Kip How about some gold bracelets? Rico We need, like, some name tags with our picture on it, all laminated and whatnot. I mean, we gotta look legit, man. Kip That's true. That's true. Rico Say, you know of a-- a place we can get our picture taken, like, a-- a photo store? Deb Okay. Turn your head on more of a slant. Now, make a fist and slowly ease it up underneath your chin. This is looking really good. Kip You can say that again. Deb Okay, hold still right there. Now, just image you're weightless. You're in the middle of the ocean... surrounded by tiny little sea horses. [Shutter Clicks] Deb That was the one. I think that's gonna come out really nice. Rico [Chuckles] Uh, you did it? Wow. Wow, that felt really relaxed. Thanks, Deb. [Chuckles] You're up, Kip. Kip Is there some kind of vest that I can wear? - Napoleon Where have you been? Pedro I got sick. Napoleon Has Summer said anything to you yet? Pedro No, not yet. Napoleon Well, she said no. Pedro She did? Well, what about that other girl? Napoleon What other girl? Pedro The one that left all that crap on your porch. Napoleon You mean Deb? Pedro Yes, her. Napoleon What about her? Pedro Well, I asked her out too. Napoleon What? - Napoleon Well, nobody's gonna go out with me. Pedro Have you asked anybody yet? Napoleon No, but who would? I don't even have any good skills. Pedro What do you mean? Napoleon You know, like numchuck skills, bow hunting skills, computer hacking skills. Girls only want boyfriends who have great skills. Pedro Aren't you pretty good at drawing, like, animals and warriors and stuff? Napoleon Yes. Probably the best that I know of. Pedro Just draw a picture of the girl you want to take out, and give it to her for, like, a gift or something. Napoleon That's a pretty good idea. - Rico Now, if you invest in the 24-piece set I'm gonna throw in a little gift. Man So, what's the gift? Rico I bet you folks don't have one of these. Woman I want that. Rico You see, this ain't your run-of-the-mill "crapper-ware." These are some serious "NuPont" fiber-woven bowls. Man So, if we purchase the 24-piece set... the mini sailboat is included? Rico That's correct, sir. Lance, you look like a strong young pup. Why don't you see if you can give that a nice tear. Don't hurt yourself now. Man I can't do it. Can't. Rico So, uh... how does the "dealio" sound to you? - Kip Dang it. - Napoleon Is Trisha here? Trisha's Mom Oh, I'm sorry, she's not. She's at a friend's house right now. Rico Well, hey, Napoleon. Napoleon's my nephew. Trisha's Mom Oh, that's nice. Napoleon Could you just give this to her for me? Trisha's Mom I certainly could. Napoleon Thanks. Trisha's Mom Bye-bye. Rico Poor kid. I've been takin' care of him while his grandma's in the hospital. He still wets the bed and everything. Trisha's Mom You're kidding. Rico Yeah, he's a tender little guy. He still gets beat up and whatnot. Anyway, uh... so we still feelin' pretty good about this, uh, 32-piece set here? - Kip: Ow! Napoleon: What the crap was Uncle Rico doin' over at my girlfriend's house? Kip: Napoleon, let go of me! I think you're bruisin' my neck meat! Napoleon: Fine. What the heck are you guys doin'? Tryin' to ruin my life and make me look like a friggin' idiot? Kip: I'm out makin' some sweet moola with Uncle Rico. Geez, I think you ripped my mole off. Napoleon: I did? Kip: Yeah, is it bleeding? [Door Opens] Napoleon: A little bit. Rico: Hey, Kip. I wish you wouldn't look at me like that, Napoleon. Napoleon: I wish you'd get out of my life and shut up. Rico: I'm gonna tell you somethin' right now. While you're out there playin' patty-cake with your friend Pedro, your Uncle Rico... is makin' 120 bucks. Napoleon: I could make that much money in five seconds. Kip: Geez. Yeah, right, Napoleon. I made, like, 75 bucks today. Rico: Napoleon, it looks like you don't have a job. So why don't you get out there and feed Tina. Napoleon: Why don't you go eat a "decroded" piece of crap. - Napoleon Dynamite's Voice Reading Letter: There's a lot more where this came from if you go to the dance with me. Yours truly, Napoleon Dynamite. Trisha's Mother: You know you're gonna go to that dance with that boy. Trisha: [Groans] - Farmer: By noon I need them 8,000 hens moved into their new cages. Sometimes they don't want to cooperate. But you give 'em a good shakin', they'll settle down for ya. Napoleon: Do the chickens have large talons? Farmer: Do they have what? Napoleon: Large talons. Farmer: I don't understand a word you just said. Okay, you meet me back here about noon, and, uh we'll have a little lunch waitin' for ya. - [Chickens Clucking] Napoleon: Ew! - Farmer: [Slurps] Well, dig in. Lyle: Over there, in that pig pen, I found a couple of Shoshoni arrowheads. Napoleon: [Gags] Farmer: [Refreshing Sigh] Can't find my checkbook. Hope you don't mind I pay you in change. - Napoleon: Six dollars. That's, like, a dollar an hour. [Phone Rings] Napoleon: Hello? Trisha: Hi. Is Napoleon there? Napoleon: Yes. Trisha: Can I talk to him? Napoleon: You already are. Trisha: Oh. Napoleon, this is Trisha. I'm just calling to tell you that...I can go to the dance with you. And also, I wanted to thank you for the beautiful drawing you did of me. It's hanging in my bedroom. Napoleon: Really? Took me, like, three hours to finish the shading on your upper lip. It's probably the best drawing I've ever done. Trisha: Yeah, it's really...nice. Napoleon: Yeah, well, I'll probably pick you up at 6:00 for the dance. Is that okay? Trisha: That's fine. Napoleon: K, bye. Trisha: Bye. [Groans] Pedro: Who was that? Napoleon: Trisha. Pedro: Who's she? Napoleon: My woman I'm takin' to the dance. Pedro: Do you draw her a picture? Napoleon: Heck, yes, I did! Pedro: Well, what are you going to wear to the dance? Napoleon: Just, like, a silk shirt or something. What are you gonna wear? Pedro: Deb has something for me. But you should probably get s suit. - Napoleon: Pedro, how do you feel about that one? Pedro: It looks nice. Napoleon: Yeah. It looks pretty sweet. It looks awesome. That suit, it's--it's incredible. - Napoleon: I need you to give me a ride in an hour. Rico: [Sighs] Where to? Napoleon: The dance. Rico: You takin' my client's daughter? Napoleon: Yes. We need to pick her up too. Rico: Well, Uncle Rico's got a sale to finalize in Bonita in five minutes. Napoleon: Well, can you just take me and then drop me off when you're done or whatever? Rico: [Exhales] - Rico: Well, I'll be back in a minute. Don't disturb me while I'm in there. Napoleon: Well, hurry up, 'cause I gotta get Trisha. Rico: Hi. I got your 24-piece set right here. - Napoleon: So you guys are, like, Pedro's cousins with all the sweet hookups? Pedro's Cousin #1: Si, bon. Napoleon: Is Trisha here? Trisha's Dad: Who's that in my driveway? Napoleon: That's my ride. - Napoleon: Do you wanna go over by my friend Pedro and dance really quick? - Pedro: Napoleon, when did you get here? Napoleon: Just a couple minutres ago. Have you guys seen Trisha anywhere? Deb: No. Napoleon: Oh. She probably just went to the bathroom. Are you guys having a killer time? Deb: Yes. Pedro: If you can't find Trisha, I'll let you dance with Deb for a few songs. - Napoleon: I like your sleeves. They're real big. Deb: Thank you. I made them myself. Napoleon: So you and Pedro are getting really serious now? Deb: No. We're just friends. Napoleon: Huh. How are your glamour shots been going lately? Deb: Pretty good. I could do a personal portrait sometime...if you wanted to come over. Napoleon: Okay. - Pedro: Do you think people will vote for me? Napoleon: Heck, yes. I'd vote for you. Pedro: Like, what are my skills? Napoleon: Well, you have a sweet bike...and you're really good at hookin' up with chicks. Plus you're, like, the only guy at school who has a mustache. Pedro: That's true. Napoleon: If you need to use any of my skills, I can do whatever you want. Pedro: Thanks. If I win, you can be my secretary or something. Napoleon: Sweet! Plus I could be your bodyguard too. Or, like, Secret Service captain or...whatever. Pedro: Okay. - Napoleon: Is that yours? Kip: Don't touch it. It's Uncle Rico's. Napoleon: What's it for? Kip: It's a time machine, Napoleon. He bought it online. Napoleon: Yeah, right. Kip: It works, Napoleon. You don't even know. Napoleon: Have you guys tried it yet? Kip: No. - Kip: So, are you ready? Napoleon: Yeah. Hold on. I forgot to put in the crystals. Kay, turn it on.
Posted By: Black Eyed Peas Posted On: Sep 10, 2005 Views: 575	RE: Blame Yourself Check out our new ghettorific song! BLACK EYED PEAS LYRICS "My Humps" What you gon’ do with all that junk? All that junk inside your trunk? I’ma get, get, get, get, you drunk, Get you love drunk off my hump. My hump, my hump, my hump, my hump, my hump, My hump, my hump, my hump, my lovely little lumps. (Check it out) I drive these brothers crazy, I do it on the daily, They treat me really nicely, They buy me all these ice-ys. Dolce & Gabbana, Fendi and then Donna Karan, they be sharin’ All their money got me wearin’ Fly gearrr but I ain’t askin, They say they love my ass ‘n, Seven Jeans, True Religion's, I say no, but they keep givin’ So I keep on takin’ And no I ain’t taken We can keep on datin’ I keep on demonstrating. My love, my love, my love, my love You love my lady lumps, My hump, my hump, my hump, My humps they got u, She’s got me spending. (Oh) Spendin’ all your money on me and spending time on me. She’s got me spendin’. (Oh) Spendin’ all your money on me, on me, on me What you gon’ do with all that junk? All that junk inside that trunk? I’ma get, get, get, get, you drunk, Get you love drunk off my hump. What u gon’ do with all that ass? All that ass inside them jeans? I’m a make, make, make, make you scream Make u scream, make you scream. Cos of my hump, my hump, my hump, my hump. My hump, my hump, my hump, my lovely lady lumps. (Check it out) I met a girl down at the disco. She said hey, hey, hey yea let’s go. I could be your baby, you can be my honey Lets spend time not money. I mix your milk wit my cocoa puff, Milky, milky cocoa, Mix your milk with my cocoa puff, milky, milky riiiiiiight. They say I’m really sexy, The boys they wanna sex me. They always standing next to me, Always dancing next to me, Tryin’ a feel my hump, hump. Lookin’ at my lump, lump. U can look but you can’t touch it, If u touch it I’ma start some drama, You don’t want no drama, No, no drama, no, no, no, no drama So don’t pull on my hand boy, You ain’t my man, boy, I’m just tryn’a dance boy, And move my hump. My hump, my hump, my hump, my hump, My hump, my hump, my hump, my hump, my hump, my hump. My lovely lady lumps x3 In the back and in the front. My lovin’ got u, She’s got me spendin’. (Oh) Spendin’ all your money on me and spending time on me. She’s got me spendin’. (Oh) Spendin’ all your money on me, on me, on me. What you gon’ do with all that junk? All that junk inside that trunk? I’ma get, get, get, get you drunk, Get you love drunk off my hump. What you gon’ do with all that ass? All that ass inside them jeans? I’ma make, make, make, make you scream Make you scream, make you scream. What you gon do with all that junk? All that junk inside that trunk? I’ma get, get, get, get you drunk, Get you love drunk off this hump. What you gon’ do wit all that breast? All that breast inside that shirt? I’ma make, make, make, make you work Make you work, work, make you work. She’s got me spendin’. Spendin all your money on me and spendin’ time on me She’s got me spendin’. Spendin’ all your money on me, on me, on me.
Posted By: Intelligence Posted On: Sep 13, 2005 Views: 551	RE: Blame Yourself I changed my mind. This country is full of morons supported by morons. Survival of the fittest is not dead! Hooray!!! Now we need a few more mass disasters to clean out the morons that posted the messeges above. Of course no one will save them because the morons in Washington can't save morons like you.

HO!