What do you mean my pilot is "sportin' wood"?

Select 2 captions you think make the "point"...

Mal: "Wash, have you seen Simon and River?" Wash: "Have you tried the placemat in the kitchen?"
Wash: Hey, Mal! How does this sound? "I am a leaf on the wind. Watch how I blow around a little bit, get raked into a pile of other leaves, and then get set on fire in the autumn." Mal: Uhh, keep working on it.
Wash: Aruba, Jamaica, Ooh I wanna take ya. Mal: I'm taking down these palm trees right now.
Mal was growing suspicious of Wash's assertion that his plants were 'just to add some colour to the bridge'.
Mal: Whadda ya mean you forged your pilot's License? Wash: It's okay, I'm getting the hang of it now, left a bit, right a bit, straighten 'er up...
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