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| Post Info | TOPIC: Dio, we are so sorry... |
| Posted By: Wizard® Posted On: Feb 28, 2003 Views: 323 | Dio, we are so sorry... Here at Castle Grayscale, we had some unexpected guests today. It would seem that the news of Dr.Chins Chin-o-Matic® was too much for Field Marshall Dio to take. Apparently he gathered up his troops and launched a surprise assault on Dr. Chin in an attempt to destroy this marvelous device before it could be used to enhance more of the world with its monochrome magic. Sadly, the Field Marshall didnt phone ahead to make an appointment and caught us totally off guard (hence the theory that this was a surprise assault). As it was, we were ill prepared having just finished off a large pan of Alice B. (which does not stand for Battenberg) Toklas brownies. Needless to say, all of us Chin faithful were quite mellow. Anyway, there we are enjoying our buzz while listening to Jethro Tull when we look out the castle window and see Dio and the Minkettes approaching. They all looked so spiffy in their little knickers looking like a bunch of amateur Boy George impersonators. They were all in single-file formation as they held onto a rope like a brunch of pre-school kids on a class trip. I ask you, what could we do? Well, of course we all doubled over laughing. All sense of hospitality was lost in the humorous sight that was on the other side of our moat. There were no offering them a refreshing moist towelette, no uncorking of our finest Champaign, and no sharing of the company of our lovely ladies. This last part is quite sad since these little minkies looked like they could use some female companionship in hopes of reaching manhood. Sadly, this jovial moment was soon to be spoiled. In response to our laughter, I think the Field Marshall's feelings were hurt and he felt compelled to come back at us with some false bravado. He twitched his moustache (I think its just eye liner) and shouted up at us, I demand that you play this Barry Manilow 8-track tape I brought! Talk about a real buzz spoiler! Well, needless to say, one of our Chin Disciples responded in an inappropriate manner to this demand. Reverting to his tendency to focus on all things anal, this fine fellow dropped his trousers and backed his bare bum up to one of the tower windows and yelled, Ive got your 8-track right here! This proved to be a disaster to the Field Marshalls plans of victory. One of his minkies saw the naked buttocks and screamed, Eek!* Up in the window! Its another Dionysus! * Please note that this is a direct quote and the word Eek is exactly what was spoken. I kid you not. I cannot make stuff like this up. Well, in sudden succession the rest of the minkettes started pointing and shouting, Dio has a twin! Which Dio is the real Field Marshall? The one in the window is cuter, but Im still gonna be sick. At that point, all the little minkies turned and ran off in disarray. Left behind was the Field Marshall, not knowing what to do. You could tell that he felt abandoned, and perhaps he whimpered a little, but he tried valiantly to act dignified. Instead, he stood there looking at the derriere in the window as though it were a mirror and tried to comb his hair. As nightfall came, he gave a snappy salute and pranced away home. In lieu of this most recent fiasco, Dr. Chin once again has sent me to offer this advice. Field Marshall Dio, please call ahead if you are going to bring the kids over for a visit. Things are very busy here at Castle Grayscale and an appointment is the only way that we can accommodate guests. Feel free to leave a message on our answering machine and we will get back to you with confirmation. Also, Dr. Chin wants you to know that he wants only the best for you and the kids. That is why he has sent detailed maps of the layout of the Castle. Please review these maps. You will notice that there is clearly visible a special secret entrance so you wont have to cross the drawbridge over the moat. We have gone one step further and placed signs pointing the way to this entrance and placed a note on the door telling you that the key is under the mat. I dont know what more we can do to help you. Dr. Chin wants to advise you that while you and the minkies are welcome to meet and talk to our ladies, we cannot allow the kids to go back to their rooms. He wants your troops to get a taste of what manhood is like, and fears that they would find the womens rooms too familiar (except for the absence of the nSync posters). So, Field Marshall, please call ahead next time. We want your visit to be a rewarding experience that will be a day you will all look back upon and see as the day you reached puberty. Plus, Dr. Chin will be happy to give you all free Chin-matization© so you will all go home looking sharp and self-assured. All Hail the Benevolent Dr. Chin!  |
| Posted By: Field Marshall Dio Posted On: Feb 28, 2003 Views: 313 | Pah! Don't listen to him men, it's just the type of shabby underhand propaganda tactic I'd expect from one of Chin's mindless drones. Wizard is obviously ga ga, a man who cannot be trusted, in fact I bet he wrote that whilst he was 12 miles high on mung powder during a Gangsta tripping binge. Bounder! Field Marshall Dio |
| Posted By: Wizard® Posted On: Mar 1, 2003 Views: 290 | Justice is swift and harsh... My dear Field Marshall, your use of the phrase that we were high on mung powder during a Gangsta tripping binge is so telling of how you live. Even our own pathetic President Dubya Bush knows firsthand that the special ingredient in the brownies is not a powder, and that Jethro Tull is far from being classified as Gangsta. I assure you that there was no powder involved, just some good homegrown stock. Might I suggest that you look for a source other than your own Tony Blair for your information, and perhaps a vacation to Amsterdam would be advised. However, my real reason for posting is to let you know how poorly we feel about how your visit here to Castle Grayscale was received. The exposing of the bare backside by one of our Chin faithful was uncalled for. Dr. Chin asked that I pass on to you that the offender has been severely punished for this action. Upon order of Dr. Chin, the errant mooner was forced to eat an entire Battenberg cake that had been baked by your Auntie Mavis. It was a harsh punishment, I know, but we could not stand by and let his actions be taken lightly. After he had gagged down every last crumb of the cake, the offender saw one of our cats (an adult and not a kitten) with its hind leg extended cleaning itself. He grabbed the feline by the tail and licked furiously at the base of the tail in an attempt to get rid of the horrid taste. I hope you will see that we are serious about seeing that such behavior is not sanctioned by Dr. Chin. Also, we were wondering if your Auntie Mavis could bake another of her Battenberg cakes for us. We have found that the mere site the cake is a great deterrent for such indiscretions. IMAGE REMOVED DUE TO REPETITION OF HUMOUR ERROR ;) |
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