| - DIHQ'S CELEBRITY BOXING POLL -> YOU DAMN FILTHY APES ! | Start A New Topic | Reply |
| Post Info | TOPIC: YOU DAMN FILTHY APES ! |
| Posted By: jACK hANDY Posted On: Oct 13, 2003 Views: 330 | YOU DAMN FILTHY APES ! (FROM A RELATED SITE ABOUT MINKIES) Minkies Can Move Robot Arms With Thoughts (deep thoughts that is) By Jack Handy Monkeys(minkies) with brain implants were trained to move a robot arm with their thoughts, a key advance by researchers who hope one day to allow paralyzed people to perform similar tasks(or for the really lazy masterbaters). A series of electrodes containing tiny wires were implanted about a millimeter deep into the brains of two monkeys(minkies). A computer then recorded signals produced by the monkeys' (minkies)brains as they manipulated a joystick controlling the robotic arm in exchange for a reward sips of juice(hits of pot & the latest addition of playboy magazine). An evil scientist then adds~ "It really opens the possibilities, and it reduces the amount of time. Previously, I had thought it might be five to 10 years before we could apply this to humans. I'm getting more optimistic now, I think in a couple of years we may be doing the real clinical trials." CHRIST , I HOPE SO . A FRIGGIN MONKEY CAN DO IT ! JaCk HanDY |
| Posted By: JaCK hANDy Posted On: Oct 14, 2003 Views: 326 | JUST TO STAY ON TOPIC & BECAUSE I'm BORED Oct. 13) - Domestic diva Martha Stewart has described her fears in an exclusive interview with ABCNEWS' Barbara Walters. In her only interview since being indicted for her sale of ImClone stock, and before going to trial in January 2004, Stewart tells Walters, "Who wouldn't be scared? Of course I'm scared. The last place I would ever want to go is prison. And I don't think I will be going to prison, though." (HeREs moRE fRoM ThAT HIstorIc InTERView) Barb walters- Marthwa you plainly stwole frwom pweople. Why shouldnt you go to prision and take it in the ass by a big fat black lezbo pig? Martha - (cringes and then leans back on her chair) Oh I don't mind taking it in the ass at all. But I'd rather do it to others instead. Im so use to doing it that way .(She smikers a little and notices Barb doesn't look amused) (The room becomes horribly quiet and barbra notices Martha checking out her legs) Barb - Marthwa , what is it you fear most about pwrision? (As she closes her legs and folds her hands over her dress) Martha- Not being able to bake a batterburg cake. Count my money ..... use my vast dildo collection ever again ..... (Barb interrupts) Barb- You know I put money in your stocks? (Barb's eyes begin to swell) Martha - (in a calm soft spoken but annoying voice) Oh you did ? Hmmm your really much dumber than I thought you were you funny talking hussy ! (Suddenly from nowhere Barbra lashes out at Martha and grabs her by the throat) Barbra - You better get use to this whore !!! This will soon be a part of your daily routine ! They fall to the floor and get tangled in some wires that lay hidden from view . But as the camera pans down you see them both furiously wrapping them around each others neck. Martha - I hope these babies are live you bitch ! (Martha shoves afew wires in Barb's mouth) Barb- Uggggghhhhh (zap) But Barb is not a total goner . Instead she lifts her knee into Martha's crotch only to discover a bulge as she does so. Barb- I knew it. Your not really a lady ! They roll around a bit more on the floor ripping out each others hair in the process. And while doing so Barb is able to slam Martha's head back and forth onto the hard studio's floor. Martha's eyes begin to shut but she holds on for dear life as the two furiously rip into each other. Martha - I've beaten bigger men than you Barbra ! Barbra - Name one ! (as they twist and turn vigorously to gain the advantage) Martha - I don't know .... ahhhh .... (tears begin to stream from her eyes) OJ ****ing Simpson you slut ! Barbra- Bull **** ! See I caught you lying again you boring blonde headed bimbo ! And with that Martha wraps her arms around Barb's neck and puts on a devistating choke hold. Martha - Say good night bitch ! (As she clinches tighter and tighter) Barbra - eeeeeeeee Somehow Barb manages to force her arms around Martha as shes being strangled. She then wraps them around the back of Martha's neck and brings her foe's head down to her chest. There she stuffs Martha's face into her old floppy titties. Barbra - Yeah , Wyou like dat don't you Marthwa !! (She states in a relieved voice) Martha's face is now firmly embedded in Barba's breast and her face becomes a beat red from the lack of oxygen. Soon Martha is brought to the state of nothingness and her body lays motioness. Barbra Walters then shoves Martha's near lifeless body away from her and stands up over her beaten rival. Barbra- Cut ! I said CUT ! OR I'LL HAVE YOU FIRED !! (She then storms out of the building) Thats right. This is the stuff they don't show on tv. AND FONz ThouGHt He WaS SicK ? THE END. BY JaCk HAndY |
| Posted By: legion Posted On: Oct 14, 2003 Views: 319 | RE: they blew it all up! These damn dirty apes are already remote mind-controlled monkey-brains with no free will, what passes for "thinking" comes out of their Television sets, which they dutifully mimic on command. The only difference is, the chips aren't implanted directly....yet. But there is no need as someone pointed out that it's "Impossible to free fools from chains they revere". Behold the wise words of the irascible Dr Dio: "There are currently no humans, just creatures in pretence acting out fictional lives of capitalistic absurdity." Yes, very well stated indeed, that quote bears repeating. Carry on with the hijinks, chimpsters. |
| Posted By: George George Posted On: Oct 14, 2003 Views: 309 | Why do I feel more and more... like I`ve wandered into a Devo video when I come here? |
| Posted By: Rough Posted On: Oct 14, 2003 Views: 288 | Only one solution really... DIO/ROUGH 2004 "No more monkey business!" |
| Posted By: JSK Posted On: Oct 15, 2003 Views: 270 | RE: YOU DAMN FILTHY APES ! Jack I think I liked the second story better. More realism. G.G. I'd bet you were in the band Devo because noone (besides you and I) talk about them or the mark they've left on society ! CRRRRRRRACK THAT WHIP ! Da na na na na Rough as usual stating the obvious Leege ...they blew it all up! Tahahaha !!! Somehow I couldn't read that without saying it Heston style. You can't tell me you don't have that one in your little video vault at home. No , not the vault in your closet (hidden a way) In all seriousness Leege. Did you really hate Kill mr. Bill ? Fonz put down that drink ! Your only allowed 4 an hour, JSK |