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| Posted By: alfonsothefan Posted On: Dec 5, 2003 Views: 729 | GUILTY AS CHARGED!!! Yeah, o.k., I took a peep at the other bored and yep, I 'learned' that the all-powerful FOB (Friend of Barb) Jabberwonky "charges $150.00 per hour consulting fees", that his "minimum" is "four hours." Anyone who believes that will believe anything, like the 'correctness' of the sentence "are you the guy who stoled my lunch money?" Or, that Jabs has some "good ideas". Yeah, sure... Also-- Am I wrong on this subject? Am I the only guy here that doesn't give a flyin' furk about wimmin rasklin on teevee? Oh, it wouldn't be bad, but I'm still ****ed that I had to sit through an hour of "Malcolm in the Middle" before seeing two middle aged fully dressed ladies fighting in a mud puddle or something. Geesh, let the "pros" do it --- and I don't mean Jabberwonky. I mean like DWW & Marty and such. Enough of the Vid Alerts, 'k? Oh, and also -- whatever happened to "Christine" was it? who had the fem fighting company that was featured on MTV? Never heard from her after she posted on the old mb over a year ago. She still in business? (She was from Tacoma, WA, I believe...) atf, How bout them WINGS! YEAH!!!!! |
| Posted By: Jabroni Posted On: Dec 5, 2003 Views: 718 | RE: GUILTY AS CHARGED!!! I've set up more matches than you ever could, alphonsofag. Know your role and shut up!!!!!!!!!! If I gotta come back here and bitch slap ya I will! *****Ive been over to the other bored**** Who cares! The names Jabroni. Learn it. Worship it jerkoff! I make more in a hour than youu do all day dip****!!!!!!!!!! And quit signing your name or initials. WE ALL KNOW WHO YOU ARE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! |
| Posted By: alfonsothefan Posted On: Dec 5, 2003 Views: 712 | RE: GUILTY AS CHARGED!!! Perhaps we can have a story on the McDonalds lady who drove her car into the Big Mac Manager. That had a nice ending in that the "lady" got 10 years for attempted murder. Now that's a nice story. Oh, hi Jabberwonky. How's trix?!?! Again, guilty of reading. Something that perhaps our fraudulent friend BADLY immitating Jabs should do more of. Cheers, atf |
| Posted By: Rough Posted On: Dec 5, 2003 Views: 707 | Sadly, NOT the real deal Jabroni. Because he has an inimitable style that is hard to imitate, impossible to duplicate. Not enough fake machismo and dumb ass swagger..not nearly enough 'all caps'..too much grammatical accuracy...I could go on. Marty and I have decided, we're going in on this grand enterprise with Jabroni! It's a sure fire, can't miss..and Jabroni will make a fortune! Why? Because HE SAID SO, jerkoff! Jana Cova and Penny Flame are coming over to my place this weekend to shoot a bitching catfight for the real deal teevee exec to drool over. Jabroni didn't bother to tell us that the guy is with The Family Channel but..ah hell, we'll see how it goes. Wish us luck! |
| Posted By: legion Posted On: Dec 5, 2003 Views: 704 | RE: GUILTY AS CHARGED!!! Fonzie cannot resist sneaking across enemy lines to fraternize with the axis of evil, Hoffas bored. Even though we are small and Hoffas bored is big, we shall defeat them because we are free and they are in a Gulag and don't even know it. We shall fight them on the beaches! In the ring! On the oiled up raskin' mats! Never before in historical history have so few sacraficed so much for so many. |
| Posted By: Lord Grant (First Sea Lord) Posted On: Dec 5, 2003 Views: 690 | Alright men, I've come up with a plan,... __________________________________________________ {Legion wrote:} Even though we are small and Hoffas bored is big, we shall defeat them because we are free and they are in a Gulag and don't even know it. __________________________________________________ ...a brilliant plan. Brilliant I tell you! It's a covert operation so I'll need a few volunteers. This mission is Top Secret and could be fraught with danger. Everybody with me so far? Good, let's get into the details. We all know the threat that this 'Hoffa board' poses to our little camp over here at DIHQ. They're absorbing nearly all the web traffic and trying to muscle in on our operations. Neither I nor the Field Marshal will stand for this! No sir, so I've devised this little plan to deal with the situition. But before I go any further, everyone here must pinky promise not to disclose any details of this mission to anyone outside of this room. Are we agreed? Good. Now, the central figure of this operation will be Swabbie 5th Class Tongue Tangled. [The men] Grumble grumble grumble. Alright, alright, alright, pipe down everybody.....PIPE DOWN!! Now I know what you all are thinking. "Just what sort of mission is this? Anything involving Swabbie 5th Class Tongue Tangled has got to be a Class A cluster f u c k." Well you're wrong, so hear me out. Here's the plan. We'll grab Swabbie 5th Class Tongue Tangled and wisk him into to the Mess Hall. Once we get him inside, we'll lash him to a chair. After we've him tied securely, we'll pry open his dick-sucker and start pouring in the coffee, black coffee. Lots of it too, at least two pots. This'll get him so wired he won't be able to sleep for the next three days. Now, once he's in this wired state we'll untie him, take him over to the library and put him in front of a computer. He'll log on to Hoffa's board 'cause, well, let's face it, Tongue Tangled doesn't have anything else to do. It's all elementary from here. Tongue Tangled will start posting and posting. For the next three days his fat little fingers will do nothing but post. He'll flood Hoffa's server with so many idle babblings that it'll lock up tighter than Fort Knox. Then, while Hoffa's IT personnel are scrambling to figure out what went wrong, the DIHQ recruiters will rush in and enlist all of Hoffa's members. By the time she(Hoffa) gets back online, there will be nobody left....well, except for Tongue Tangled....if he hasn't recovered by then. See, I told you. It's a brilliant plan! Completely devised by yours truly. So, are you with me? [The men] Yes. I SAID, ARE YOU WITH ME?? [The men] YES! FOR DIHQ! [The men] FOR DIHQ! FOR THE THRONE!! [The men] FOR THE THRONE!! FOR THE FIRST SEA LORD!!! [The men] Gumble grumble grumble. Alright, alright, alright. Let's stop mucking around here and get this show on the road. The first thing we need to do is synchronize our watches. I've got 09:00. Tongue Tangled will surely be hungry by now and should be headed over to the Mess Hall. I tell you, it's like clockwork with his stomach. He'll attempt to slip into the Mess Hall through the back door and raid the pantry of jelly doughnuts. This is where we'll set up an ambush. Master Sgt. Fonzorelli, take this hood. When Tongue Tangled pokes his bald head through the door, put that hood on him and pull him inside. Once he's in, the rest of us will bum rush him. When we get him down, Pvt. Legion will take this rope and hogtie him. From here we'll drag him into the Mess Hall and continue as mentioned above. Well, it's settled then. Let's get to it! Blimey! Don't look now but there goes Tongue Tangled. Damn, we've got no time to lose! Quick! Everyone!! To the Mess Hall!! ON THE DOUBLE!!! |
| Posted By: legion Posted On: Dec 6, 2003 Views: 670 | RE: what? Ridiculous nonsense, I call bullshiate on that plan. Swabbie 5th Class Tongue Tangled was AWOL for 8 hours the other day when he mopped himself into a corner. Besides I'm pretty sure he's a double agent, he'd suck the peanuts out of Barbs poop if she'd let him. He can't be trusted, I tell ya. Now shuddup and listen to the real plan, Corporal Hitler. We know that fiend Chin has aligned his forces with the sheer Dominatrix power of the Hoffa Empire. There is no way we could take them in a straight oiled up fight, Barb would overwhelm our meagre forces, Sgt Fonz has been on the disabled list since he twisted his ankle heading up the ramp on the plane to Vietnam. Then we've got the other two stooges JSK and TT, whom I'm sure you'll agree are just a couple of flakes awaiting a Section 8 discharge for wanting to raskle other soldiers in the shower. So we have to wait until either Chin tries a coup d'etat takeover from within, or the Empire self destructs from over expansion. In other words, we must have our covert operatives keep the psychological pressure on Hoffa at all times until she cracks from dealing with that monster website. And that is how we will defeat the fascist Hoffa Empire by outsmarting them with our superior ubermensche intellect, and our campaign of covert paramilitary subversion under the leadership of the DIHQ Military Intelligence Director of Operations, yours truly. But thanks for the suggestion of your plan Cap't Dio. We have filed it in the proper file. |
| Posted By: Cleo Posted On: Dec 6, 2003 Views: 666 | RE: GUILTY AS CHARGED!!! OMG! "Besides I'm pretty sure he's a double agent, he'd suck the peanuts out of Barbs poop if she'd let him." I fell out of my chair laughing at that one. Thanks Leege, my crappy day today at least got off to a funny start! |
| Posted By: Lord Grant (First Sea Lord) Posted On: Dec 6, 2003 Views: 637 | Order...order...order... So, is everyone in on the plan or what? Yes Pvt. Legion, what is it? __________________________________________________ {Pvt. Legion says:} Ridiculous nonsense, I call bullshiate on that plan. __________________________________________________ Oh you do, do you? Did everyone hear that?? Pvt. Legion thinks our plan is a crapper. Well then Mr. Smarty Pants, I suppose you have a better idea. Why don't you come up front and share it with the rest of us then. __________________________________________________ {Pvt. Legion says:} Now shuddup and listen to the real plan, Corporal Hitler. We know that fiend Chin has.....There is no way we could take them .....Sgt Fonz has been on the disabled list.....we have the other two stooges.....So we have to wait until either Chin tries a coup d'etat.....And that is how we will defeat the fascist Hoffa Empire. __________________________________________________ You call that a plan? PAH! I call that a bunch of pish posh!! Yes, thank you very much for wasting our time Pvt. Fluffy. Why don't you return to your seat and do what you do best...take up space. Well now, it seems we have two options here men. My...(ahem) I mean, OUR plan or the Popsicle's thingamajig. Which is it going to be? [The men] Grumble grumble grumble. Alright, alright, put a sock in it. Because we can't seem to reach a consensus and since I'm such a super-duper efficient high level gubbermint official, I've developed a back-up plan. That's right, a back-up plan! And it's even more brilliant than my first one!! So sit back and pay attention. The pubs around here close around 01:00, right? So, we'll all meet over near Hoffa's at say...03:00. That should give Barb Hoffa's goons enough time to pass out in a drunken stupor. Once they're all in dreamland, we'll break in and head down the stairs on the right. When we reach the basement we'll go three doors down to the Laundry Room and force open the door. Once we're in, will steal the uniform of high ranking Hoffa offical...say the VP of Operations. Now, here's a critical part of the mission. The size of this uniform must be no smaller than XXXXXL. If we screw this part up the whole mission is awash, but more on this later. When we find the proper sized uniform, we'll go back upstairs and sneak off in the darkness back to DIHQ. Everyone still with me so far? Good. Once back we'll go over to the barracks where we should find Swabbie 5th Class Tongue Tangled snoring away. No doubt from a night of jailbird booze and homeless women. Now, here comes the sticky part. I'll need someone to remove Tongue Tangled's XXXXXL pink jammies and put the XXXXXL Hoffa VP uniform on him. Any volunteers? [The men] Grumble grumble grumble. Damn, I was afraid of this. Well, one thing's for certain. Since I'm the First Sea Lord there is NO WAY IN HELL I'm gonna do it. Since we have no volunteers, we'll do this democratically. I nominate Pvt. Legion. All those in favor? [The men] AYE! Well, it's settled then. Congratulations Pvt. Fluffy. (mumbles) That's what happens to smart-alecky Privates. (ahem!) Okay, everyone still following? Good. Once Fluffy gets Swabbie 5th Class Tongue Tangled dressed in the XXXXXL Hoffa VP uniform, we'll pack his luggage and wake him up. We'll tell him he's been promoted and transferred to a new unit. We'll congratulate him on his promotion, give him directions to Hoffas and send him on his fat little way. It's all elementary from here. Once Tongue Tangled starts making executive decisions over at Hoffa's, I'll give it 24 hours then the whole works'll come crashing down. See, I told you it was a brilliant plan. It simply cannot fail! I guess that's why I'm the First Sea Lord. Now, are we all in this together? |
| Posted By: alfonsothefan Posted On: Dec 6, 2003 Views: 627 | RE: So I'm to "hogtie Tangler?" Hmmm...no can do. T-100's fast becoming friendly with Jabberwonky and you all know that jabs is close friends with Babs ("I know you were in professional wrestling for twenty years" yada,yada ad nauseum), who is in tight with certain liberal bigwogs in NYC, who were in close contact with the Clintons. And the Fonz does NOT wanna end up like Vince Foster (you know, the guy who "commited suicide" by shooting himself several times and having the decency to "remove" his corpse to the park). Four degrees to "suicide"?! Aw, thanks, but no thanks. Count me out. Oh, btw, brother leege was partly correct. See, I initially had badly infected fingernails from the back porch when Unka Sammy's men came for me; now, I could tell you about my good friend "combat Bill" back in Michigan, who gets 10% from a back injury incurred from a fall off a bed whilst in the U.S. Navy. Now, Billy Boy was getting the "house delux" one early Sunday morn from a young lady in Tijuana when - out of NOWHERE - the damn Mission Bells of St. Whatever began to toll. Billy got "startled" and fell outta bed, whereupon he washed and bandaged his 'appendix' and meekly rode home to base in San Diego. He did wrench is back pretty bad, though. Billy is getting 10% cuz he had the nerve to ask for disability for an "injury" occuring during "action." He never did have the balls to ask for a purple heart tho... atf, hogtie-ing no one |
| Posted By: legion Posted On: Dec 7, 2003 Views: 610 | RE: GUILTY AS CHARGED!!! Well, if that's the plan you might as well let Tongue Tangled lead the mission. Your waves are reaching his shores. Heheh. What an idiot. I told you Sgt Fonz would make up some silly reason to excuse himself from action. "When danger reared its ugly head, He bravely turn his tail and fled, Brave, brave, Sir Fonzie." ...and Im not risking my neck on this FUBAR mission either. Men, I don't trust the competance of these pompous twittering British Generals to lead the DIHQ Allied Expeditionary forces. These stuffy windbags don't have the slightest idea how to fight a modern war because the stupid Brits are such Traditionalists they cling to the techniques used in the LAST war. That's why Cornwallis the big military genius got his arse kicked by the Americans using guerrilla tactics, and we all know what a fraud Monty was. Had to stop the armoured advance for tea-time so often a wagon train could've crossed Europe faster. And they knew they were sending Canadians into a meat grinder at Dieppe, that's why they sent Canadians. They were feeling out the Nazi defenses and trying to figure out where to land the D-Day invasion. So the bounders gave us Canucks the dirty job once again. I mean, what other country is still backward enough to still support a 'Monarchy?' The retarded Arabs, and Britain. Well this Canadian is taking a pass on this Dieppe. But don't let me stop you, you fellas go right ahead and attack a soveriegn web site. I'll stay home and keep an eye on your womenfolk. |
| Posted By: I dont think so Posted On: Dec 7, 2003 Views: 605 | RE: GUILTY AS CHARGED!!! Legion writes- They were feeling out the Nazi defenses and trying to figure out where to land the D-Day invasion. So the bounders gave us Canucks the dirty job once again. First off many American's lost lives during D day. My grandfather was in that and rushed the shores of Normandy and did all the crap you see in movies & read in your history books . He won't watch any movie depicting it & although its not glorious he is a hereo . Many Canadian's are hereos as well , but how dare you say the American's sat back and didn't do anything and only waited. He spent a year in a hospital and watched his freinds die right infront of him . At age 17 he did more than you and I could ever imagine. Thats utter crap once again coming out of your mouth . We saved not only France but Europe as well. Maybe we should have sat back and let it all be taken over ? Then we wouldn't have heard the end of that one either . What would Canada have done without us once again ? Nothing just like they do now . Its ok to read but know the truth while your at it dummy . |
| Posted By: legion Posted On: Dec 7, 2003 Views: 598 | RE: mess bored hosted in Canada wasting my time giving the benefit of the doubt to this moron but - First off many American's lost lives during D day. yah, so? I know. My grandfather was in that and rushed the shores of Normandy and did all the crap you see in movies & read in your history books . well, zippity doo da for you. I've played 'Allied Assault' enough to know those guys must have had balls like brass hammers to rush that beach for real. Still, there must be a point forthcoming? He won't watch any movie depicting it & although its not glorious he is a hereo . Many Canadian's are hereos as well blah blah, pointless blather... , but how dare you say the American's sat back and didn't do anything and only waited. where did I say that? They did wait. Till 7th Dec 1941 to be exact. The war started in '39, stoopid. Do you have a point yet? He spent a year in a hospital and watched his freinds die right infront of him . At age 17 he did more than you and I could ever imagine. Yes yes, that's very nice...and....and...? Thats utter crap once again coming out of your mouth . We saved not only France but Europe as well. France is in Europe, and yes you did. Some other countries chipped in too, y'know. If they had known Juno would be a soft landing the Canadians would've never got it. That's my point. Maybe we should have sat back and let it all be taken over ? Then we wouldn't have heard the end of that one either . What would Canada have done without us once again ? Nothing just like they do now . That war was different. Everybody KNEW Hitler had WMDs. Its ok to read but know the truth while your at it dummy . Yes, good advice. Reading is fundamental. |
| Posted By: alfonsothefan Posted On: Dec 7, 2003 Views: 578 | RE: GUILTY AS CHARGED!!! Leege spewed "(Hitler) had weapons of mass destuction" Very good. Here's a theory and its bound to make most of you lefties gag: Come next October, with this insane whacko Dean or Lurch Kerry moving up and coming close to overtaking the Shrub, there'll be an "October surpise II". Georgie Porgie will come on teevee, look into he camera, and announce: "Ladies and Gentlemen, to my right are the evidence of Saddam's Weapons of Mass Destruction!" Game. Set. Match. Remember, you heard it here first. atf, Head of Security, Nostrodamos like & making book with the chumps... |
| Posted By: Admiral Tang Posted On: Dec 7, 2003 Views: 575 | Will the Knights of King Arthur arise from... ...their graves and thrust your canary {meaning, bird-brained, in your case, Legionnaire [;-) ;-) ;-)]} heads into a Round Table so the pigeons can take a level crap on the faces of the now ex-Commander of DIHQ and his stoolies ? ? ? Time constraints prohibit me from elaborating as I should, but allow me to say thus (all in caps and in color, as your level of compehension has sunk like a broken-off White Cliff of Dover): IT LOOKS LIKE THAT DUNG-FOR-BRAINS & MOON-FACED, EX-COMMANDER OF DIHQ (NOW HER MAJESTY KNOWS WHAT THAT "D" ACTUALLY REPRESENTS ! ! !) HAS FINALLY TAKEN LEAVE OF HIS SENSES FOR GOOD !!! ADD TO HIS PLATOON OF PEONS HIS LOON-FACED LACKEY FROM CANADA, AND YOU HAVE A CADRE OF COW-CRAPPERS TRYING TO EXECUTE A PLAN THAT WOULD BACKFIRE UP THEIR ARSE LIKE AN ELIZABETHAN-SIZED CANNON BACKFIRING ON THE DECK OF THE H.M.S. BRITTANIA. HIS MEN DON'T EVEN HAVE THE CO-0RDINATION TO SCRATCH THEIR FRICKIN' ASSES IF THEY HAD WIPED THEM WITH POISON IVY POACHED FROM THE ROYAL FOREST, FOR CHRIST'S SAKE. HOW IN THE HELL CAN HIS NINNY FOLLOWERS EXPECT TO CARRY OUT THIS PLAN, SINCE THE MINISTRY OF DEFENCE HAS STRIPPED THAT NINNY COMMANDER OF RANK ? ? ?... YOU WISH TO MUTINY AGAINST THE CROWN ? ? ?...YE WILL BE WALKIN' THE PLANK OF THE ROYAL NAVY FRIGATE WITH YOUR WEENIES ROPED TOGETHER AS THE SWORD OF VALIANT KING ARTHUR CHOPS YOUR PECKERS INTO PIECES, MY MATES ! ! ! SADLY, HIS PLANS ARE LAID, TO PARAPHARSE A FAMOUS BARD OF RECENT MEMORY, FOR MICE, NOT MEN. TIS TIME TO BEGIN YOUR VOYAGE, AND MAY THE SPIRIT OF MERLIN SAVE YOUR DOOMED ARSES FROM THE BOTTOM OF THE DEEP BLUE SEA. |
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