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| Posted By: Kent Posted On: Jan 20, 2005 Views: 290 | dio might like this Actually, you all might like this, who knows? Found it on the the net and promptly stole it, cut and paste style. Kent Read on: Enders I am acquainted with a gentleman who once wrote an episode of EastEnders. One thing led to another, and I ended up tossing off this little number in an attempt to cash in on one of the programme's longest-running anomalies: Why does nobody wash their own clothes? "And now on BBC1, the last ever episode of EastEnders. Viewers are warned that tonight's programme contains scenes of an excessively manky nature." ALBERT SQUARE EXT DAY. A LARGE LORRY PULLS INTO THE SQUARE, THE CAMERA FOLLOWS IT AS IT PARKS OUTSIDE THE SLATER HOUSEHOLD. IT SAYS "CURRYS" ON THE SIDE. CUT AWAY SHOTS OF PAULINE FOWLER LOOKING OUT OF HER WINDOW, HAVING A MILD PANIC ATTACK, AND DASHING OUT OF HER FRONT DOOR. Delivery Man: Slater household? Mo: That's us. Delivery Man: Sign here then. Pauline (muscling in on the conversation): What the ****'s going on here? Mo: This, Pauline Fowler, is a washing machine. Pauline: A what? Where'd you get the money for that? Mo: Interest free credit. They'll give it to anybody these days. Pauline: Just you wait until Mr Popodopulos finds out. He's going to break your ****ing kneecaps. DOT ARRIVES, GASPING, WEARING NOTHING BUT A PEEK-A-BOO BRA AND PANTY SET, CHAIN-SMOKING SIX CIGARETTES AT ONCE. SHE IS, HOWEVER, CARRYING HER HUGE HANDBAG OVER HER ARM Dot: Eeeh, I came as quick as I could get away from the pole dancing club, Pauline. I... DOT STOPS DEAD IN HER TRACKS Dot: What the **** is that? Pauline: Fat cow Maureen here says it's a washing machine. Dot: **** off! Mo: It is so, and I'll fight anyone who says it isn't. Dot: Do you realise the danger you're putting us in? These things are deadly in the hands of untrained fools such as yourselves. One wrong push of a button and you could have us all killed! Laundry should be left to trained professionals such as myself and my good friend Pauline here. Isn't that right, Pauline? DOT LEANS ACROSS TO PAULINE AND KISSES HER. THERE IS THE MEREST TRACE OF A TONGUE. Pauline: Mmm.... I'm wet. Mo: Well, there's no way you're going to make us send it back. It's ours and we're keeping it. PAULINE PULLS A BROWNING 9MM HANDGUN FROM HER HANDBAG, COCKS IT WITH DELIBERATE CARE AND PUSHES THE MUZZLE AGAINST MO'S FOREHEAD Pauline: Yeah? DOT REACHES INTO HER HANDBAG, AND PULLS OUT A LARGE, RIBBED VIBRATOR, WHICH SHE TOO POINTS AT MO'S HEAD Dot: Make my day. Mo: Now girls, let's not do anything hasty. D'you want to come upstairs and talk about this? Pauline: Um... OK then. Delivery Man: Can I come? Dot: (gesturing towards his groin) It looks like you already have. |
| Posted By: JSK Posted On: Jan 20, 2005 Views: 281 | RE: dio might like this Dam it Kent stick to the topic of the site or else certain people will go off with their political shpeel!!! Was kinda hoping there were wrasslin mats in the box instead of a washer. I didn't laugh, but I did smile. How in God's name do some of us find this stuff? :) Later- JSK |