| - DIHQ'S CELEBRITY BOXING POLL -> Dear Iran... | Start A New Topic | Reply |
| Post Info | TOPIC: Dear Iran... |
| Posted By: Wizard® Posted On: Apr 25, 2005 Views: 344 | Dear Iran... Hi. We will be invading your country and I just wanted to give you a few tips to make this pre-emptive strike as rewarding for you as it will be for our conservative pundits. Now, dont get all frantic about our invasion. You have plenty of time to prepare. Iraq has not yet finished filling its quota of killing our troops. Besides, theres still three years before our next national election. Go ahead and pencil us in for February 2008. Speaking of Iraq, I hope that you have been paying attention to their mistakes so you wont do the same thing. First off, go ahead and develop all the nuclear weapons you can. Our President will claim you have them no matter what, so why not make a dozen so hell be correct for once. Just remember not to store them next to the oil fields since that is the first place well secure. What ever you do, dont hide your troops next to schools, orphanages or childrens hospitals. We may be a culture of life, but we dont care about children once theyre out of the womb. Which reminds me. Grab a few cadavers and then have a judge order that they stop being given food and water. Our culture of life will stop every thing for a couple of weeks as it feigns outrage for the cameras, giving you plenty of time to regroup. Once your country is occupied and we have declared Mission Accomplished, your leaders will be busy trying to avoid being captured. Let me point out a little something. Osama bin Laden masterminded a massive terrorist attack on our country, thus giving our President 3000 martyrs for his tax cuts for the wealthy. Saddam Hussein had no terrorist ties but that didnt stop our President from painting him as an accomplice. Now, Im not saying that your leader should initiate a major terrorist attack on our country, but I would be remiss if I didnt point out that Osama is still free and Saddam is in an undisclosed prison. You may also think that you have no chance of winning. This is not true. You see, we are a society that is obese and lazy. We will show our patriotism by purchasing magnets that look like ribbons and say We support our troops because it is the very least we can do. Our supermarkets are filled with people in motorized wheelchairs because they weigh too much to walk to the pastry section. Others will lean over their shopping cart like it was a walker. Just last week, our government declared obesity a health benefit if done in moderation. They also changed the food pyramid to include a corn syrup escalator to whisk you to the fried food apex. All you need to do is pepper your main routes with plenty of fast food restaurants. You wont need RPGs or car bombs. You just need a quiet campaign of Do you want fries? and Super size it? In no time at all, our troops will be too big to do anything but ride slowly through your streets on little motorized wheelchairs. You can also avoid being bombed or shot if you just place a Halliburton logo on all of your buildings, vehicles and clothing. This logo will have the side benefit of allowing you to charge our military outrageously inflated prices for any supplies. So for the next few years as the White House avoids diplomacy, just rest assured that this invasion will make our two countries more alike. This will allow our own ultra-conservative religious fundamentalist to stay in power and further negate the Bill of Rights. I see a day when both our countries unite as we beat our women and our men dance in the street shooting their assault weapons in the air. |