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TOPIC: Relationships

Posted By: GirlUWant Posted On: Jan 10, 2005 Views: 1422	Relationships I am really unsmart about relationships! I read that book about the Rules which is a great book, but I suck at following the Rules! I am going to try reading a new book He's just not that into you. Has anyone read any books that really helped them? I seem to keep making the same dumb mistakes after another and just end up feeling bad in the end.
Posted By: Mr Cranky Posted On: Jan 10, 2005 Views: 1419	RE: Relationships I can't name any good books but nothing will chase away a guy faster than following 'The Rules'.
Posted By: GirlUWant Posted On: Jan 10, 2005 Views: 1417	RE: Relationships Are you truly even familiar with the book? I thought that it made perfect sense and when I evaluate my two most recent relationships, I can see where I burned my own ass...from not following the rules!
Posted By: DM Posted On: Jan 10, 2005 Views: 1414	RE: Relationships Do you really think someone who doesn't know you can give you reliable advice about something as difficult, various and mercurial as relationships? Every relationship is unique, with its own set of rules, so how can there be a set of core rules to abide by when in a relationship?
Posted By: GirlUWant Posted On: Jan 10, 2005 Views: 1412	RE: Relationships Well for instance, one of them, is not to call men...which is the most difficult one for me, because when I am in a relationship, I like to get to know them, I'm not checking up on them or being possessive, just missing them and wanting to connect, and they may be nice and answer the phone and talk to you, but how do you know if they really like YOU? If they like YOU, they will call you. So, if you break down and call them first and make the connection, you never know how long it would have taken him to call you back, and that is a great indicator, because if he is thinking about you and is crazy about you, won't he be dying to call you too? Another - don't accept a date for Saturday after Wednesday. This seemed weird to me, but it also makes sense. It sets you up for him getting in a habit of taking you for granted if everything is done spur of the moment. He might just be bored and be like Hey,let's hang out, but if he wants to spend time with, really wants to, he will be thinking ahead and looking forward to it as much as you are. So, if he never calls you and wants to do anything, then you really aren't that special,right? It actually is pretty liberal about sex, if that was one of your gripes about the rules.
Posted By: Bob Dole Posted On: Jan 10, 2005 Views: 1403	RE: Relationships That book treats dating like it is a game, which is fine if you like to play games. If you want a long term relationship, at some point you are going to have to drop the games and be yourself. Personally I think it is easier to just start off that way. You can't trick someone into a relationship and if a little thing like the girl calling the guy is going to be problematic, just how bad will the relationship be when real issues pop up?
Posted By: GirlUWant Posted On: Jan 10, 2005 Views: 1399	RE: Relationships Believe me, I have always been pretty good at being myself, and it seems like calling guys is harmless, but when I think about all my past relationships, like from grade school on, there is something about a guy calling you that is just so much better than you calling him. I remember a relationship in high school that I had. I was totally into my then boyfriend, which had a job and was not available that much for dates on the weekends. He usually worked either Friday or Saturday. I was very cool about him spending the other off night hanging out with his buddies because he had to work the other night so we really only went out on dates about every other weekend. That was his ultimate choice, and he didn't spend that much money on me, not that it was an issue, but there is something about spending money on a girl that somehow makes her more valuable, like you've made an investment. You chose to spend it on her, not just for yourself, or some cool guy gadget or something. Anyway, I guess I always knew that I liked him more, and I would notice those little things and it would hurt, because I did stuff like put Jolly Rancher Grape Stix on his car while he was working to let him know that I was thinking about him. In the end, he broke up and I was heartbroken, and it took a long time to get over him. The other long-term boyfriend that I had in high school, totally adored me. He bought jewelry for me for every occasion, and wanted to be with me daily. I totally knew that he was into me. I liked him, but not nearly as much as the aforementioned guy, why? Guy number one was definitely way cuter and had a crappy car, guy number two had a Trans-Am and some cash! What does that song say - Girls don't like boys, girls like cars and money...well, I think that the car and the money had something to do with the length of the second relationship, but the first guy was broke, I could have kissed him for days and I loved the way his ass looked! I don't get the whole relationship thing, and the older I get, it doesn't seem to help, but, if I wouldn't have called the first guy and waited for him to call me, how long would I have waited? I seem to like the guys that don't like me, and not like the guys that like me... LOVE STINKS!
Posted By: Joe Posted On: Jan 10, 2005 Views: 1393	RE: Relationships GirlUWant, have you ever snoop thourgh one of your boyfriend stuff? I was just wondering because that might be the reason the frist one you wrote about broke up with you. You know when last girlfriend look though my crap and asked why and .....well.. this how it went: Me: Honey, why are looking though my stuff! Girl: Why, Do you have something to hide! Me: Yeah, maybe your gift for Christmas! Girl:Yeah well,... who was that bitch making you breakfast last week! Me: THAT BITCH WAS MY ****ING MOM, YOU WHORE! Girl: **** YOU **** YOU MOTHER ****ER! (Starts thoughing my crap at me) Me: YOU KNOW WHAT ****OFF! Girl: Well I ****ed you your boss! Me: YOU BITCH!
Posted By: Joe Posted On: Jan 10, 2005 Views: 1391	RE: Relationships Love does stink sometimes
Posted By: Syrgot Posted On: Jan 10, 2005 Views: 1378	RE: Relationships No book can tell you how to not **** it up. Every situation is different.
Posted By: Seth Posted On: Jan 10, 2005 Views: 1368	RE: Relationships Porn helps me a lot.
Posted By: Mr Cranky Posted On: Jan 10, 2005 Views: 1364	RE: Relationships GirlUWant, It sounds like you are equating attention (phone calls, jewelry, money) with an emotional attachment. Guys that are just looking to get laid can do all this just as easy, and even more so because then they don't have to put in any real commitment. There are guys that will spend thousands in a brothel and they have no interest in an investment. The other thing I noticed is you mentioned your interest in the two guys involved looks, money, and a car but nothing about personality or common interests other than locking lips. How does that rank with you?
Posted By: Bob Dole Posted On: Jan 11, 2005 Views: 1353	RE: Relationships Incidentally that other Bob Dole post is not me. Dragonmaster: Why in the hell would anyone take advice from you on this topic? You never have been and never will be in a relationship. GirlUWant: I couldn't disagree more with the advice not to call first. Ever think that maybe a guy could be attracted to a more assertive and confident woman? Here's a little secret. If a guy leaves the toilet seat up, it means he cared enough about you to lift the damn seat up in the first place. I personally never encounter this problem, as I just aim and hope not to hit the seat. So please, don't hassle him when he forgets to put it back down!
Posted By: GirlUWant Posted On: Jan 11, 2005 Views: 1350	RE: Relationships I would never go through anyone's stuff, I was totally trusting with this guy. If someone called him when I was with him, I didn't even ask who was calling. I am all about trust. He broke up with me partly because my ex-husband is a psycho and called him and left really weird messages on his machine, which didn't go over very well...another woman wanted him and she got him...she is older, drives a brand-new Lexus and has lots of cash and attention to give him...and yes, she was the one asking him out...as friends of course and I was even cool about him going to the movies with her. I don't think that I could have been a cooler girlfriend to this guy, or any guy that I have been with. I am not even close to being a bitch, I have been called sweet by all kinds of people, including the old boyfriend.
Posted By: GirlUWant Posted On: Jan 11, 2005 Views: 1349	RE: Relationships This is to answer the personality, car, looks question: The guys that I went in length about were high school relationships, which the one that I really liked,had an awesome personality. He was funny, smart, and I was highly attracted to his looks. He is a very successful computer geek now, even though in high school he was quite the pothead! The guy that liked me so much that had the Trans-Am came from a poor family, was not that bright, but was fun, like we played pool, hung out a lot, and he had a sweet personality, but was not that intellectual. I like a guy that challenges me, he doesn't have to be rich - I certainly wouldn't pick a guy by his car, does have to have a great sense of humor and a spiritual side, and cute doesn't hurt! I am not about a guy spending money on me either, I have been prone to spend more on them, which would be a big no-no according to The Rules book. The phone calls and the attention, just mean to me that I'm not the only one making an effort, like with my girlfriends. The friendships that work for me are the ones that we both make an effort to the relationship!

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